Variegated Brainstem

Let's revisit this enterprise, shall we?

2010-09-08T08:35:00.004-04:00

The road to hell, they say, is paved with good intentions. I have had every intention of refiring up the ole blog and mixing it up with the world again. But to what end, I ask? Every day I see more and more things that confirm my unverbalized belief that the world in which we live is rapidly heading into the bowels of the proverbial crapper. It makes a man want to purchase a plot of land out in the middle of nowhere, get a bunch of goats, raise vegetables, and watch reruns of Little House on the Prairie.

With that said, I suppose I must prevail, if only to be around long enough for the release of the latest installment of the Halo series coming out this month for the Xbox 360. Now, if I can just get my dissertation finished some day and find a real job, those goats might become a reality. Maybe some of them will play Halo with me...

On a lighter note, I am once again engaged in pushing back the walls of ignorance at Tennessee Tech, teaching the students American history. I know what you are thinking. "Could anything be more exciting?" Probably, but at least it keeps me from running amok on the streets at 3 a.m.

Oh Captain, My Captain!

2010-01-27T17:27:00.003-05:00

I begin my tenure as a new adjunct teacher at Tennessee Tech University. It will add a bit of time on my semester to get that work done, but it will be worth it to gain experience. The money doesn't hurt, either. Tonight: The American West! I know that the kids will be so excited that they will hardly be able to stand it! Wait until we get into Populism - that will blow their minds!

A return to form...

2009-07-25T11:10:00.001-04:00

I have just installed a new application that will make my blogging easier (thanks, Macbook!).  As a result, I hope to start doing this again, at least more than I have in the past several months.  Here's hoping...

Great features from the good old David Letterman show!

2008-09-28T10:46:00.002-04:00

These are brilliant and should have more exposure than they have...

I still haven't found my blogging muse to return, but...

2008-09-16T11:25:00.002-04:00

An underrated song by an underrated innovator. I am learning this song on my ukulele, so you will be in trouble once I do!

The Best - Dragnet's take on drugs....

2008-09-12T20:38:00.000-04:00

The coolest damn toy in the whole wide world...EVER!

2008-09-08T18:43:00.005-04:00

I was quite blessed growing up to have to loving parents that provided for me and my sister in many tangible and intangible ways. I never had to worry about my food or shelter or anything, and Santa Claus was always overly generous. One thing that we received from him one year was the MAC (Mobile Action Command) series of action figures by the Matchbox Car company. These were intrepid adventurers and rescuers that followed me through a wide variety of adventures in at least two states. Their secret mountain headquarters had everything that intrepid rescuers and adventurers might require to aid them (except women and beer, but that is a different action adventurer). I miss playing with them and thank my parents for their largess. I have GOT to find those guys...

Why don't they make stuff like this anymore?

2008-09-07T17:33:00.002-04:00

I don't understand what makes people think that modern necessitates better. After all, wasn't the old stuff the modern stuff once? Case in point is the new videos that dominate the airwaves of EmpTV, bands filled with the best angst money can buy. Whether or not you are a Rundgren fan, the above video displays more intelligence and interestingness than any of the crap that is out there today. To be sure, that Rundgren video then was probably deemed too ultra-modern and too wacko and too plastic by the people that saw it then. But if we are in the post-modern age, why aren't people making videos like this, in a wry wink-wink to the past and how cool they are in the present? Just a thought...

An old new band interest of mine...made all the more interesting by their use of ukuleles

2008-09-07T12:34:00.003-04:00

This is a band called "Beirut." Their music reminds me of Europe in the years after the war, when Henri' and I drank wine in the cafes of Paris as we hunted down Nazis hiding in public as bakers, accordianists, and sommeliers. We need to get more of us with ukuleles to gather together to create our own counter-factual music, because we don't do anything else anyways. C'est La Guerre!

Joining the world of the Macs...

2008-09-06T15:39:00.003-04:00

I have recently purchased a MacBook, mainly because I am supposed to be a liberal academic and liberal academics use Apples exclusively. I have been slowly getting used to using a Mac, made more difficult by the lack of a right mouse button. But, I like what it can do and feel that much more academic-y merely by my purchase of it. Now, if only it came with a PhD dissertation built in that I could use to get the Dr. in front of my name...

Teaching about the Indus Valley and ukuleles

2008-09-03T09:48:00.003-04:00

This week, my world civilization class will be studying the Harappan culture, located along the Indus River Valley in modern day Pakistan. I am thinking about just having them watch Ravi Shankar videos, despite the fact that Shankar is from Bangladesh. Do you think that would bother the students? Decisions.

For those that didn't know, I purchased a ukulele over the summer, which is a so-so teaching aid, I am finding. But it is hard to deny how cool ukuleles can be:

Enjoy!

Where has the time gone...was it all but a fever dream?

2008-09-02T16:24:00.003-04:00

Many things have transpired since last we at the Variegated Brainstem puked forth our wisdom, wit, and frippery. Tom Waits came to Knoxville, playing the hits we all love so well. The Olympics occurred in China, with the US of A winning a number of different coloured medals. Obama and McCain became the front runners in the presidential race. Hardee's thick burger is more popular than ever.

Hopefully, as the days of future past come back again, the Veeb will be able to provide more insight into all that we are witnesses to in this glorious age. Until then, keep watching the stars!

A break from the Variegated Brainstem...

2008-05-14T07:20:00.003-04:00

The Variegated Brainstem editorial staff is tired and in need of a vacation. We haven't been posting as much as in previous days, mainly because we have nothing good to report - we need some new adventures. We are not ending our blog, but will publish as things come to us. In the meantime, please stand by...

Glitter and Doom is coming to Knoxville and I can't waits...

2008-05-07T07:25:00.001-04:00

A few comments on Knoxville concerts, concert-goers, and encores

2008-05-01T08:39:00.005-04:00

Last night, we went to see Lou Reed in concert at the Tennessee Theatre. He sort of stumbled onto the stage and seemed, initially, disoriented. But, his band was great and the whole affair soon gelled into a pretty rocking affair, with a few Velvet Underground songs thrown in for good measure, including a fairly decent rendition of "Sweet Jane." After about seventy minutes, the band left the stage, returning a few minutes later for an encore of "Perfect Day." Then it was over.

One thing that I have noticed, over the years, is that Knoxville concerts often seem like a place to do everything but watch a band. Especially at the Tennessee Theatre. Cell phone calls, chatting with friends, CONSTANTLY getting up to go get beer or liquor. That can be distracting to those that want to watch the band. Especially when this is going on around you, like it was to us last night. A father and son sat behind us and talked through the first half of the concert. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with Lou Reed, he is recognized as one of the forefathers of punk music and, as such, there were several songs that contained walls of feedback and heavy riffing - quite loud and room filling. So, my peturbness, if you will, with this father and son was that their talking was intelligible OVER Lou Reed's band! I finally turned around and told them to please be quiet, which made them sheepishly cower down into their seats. The father apologized after the concert, and I graciously accepted his apology, but c'mon, we didn't pay $50 a ticket to listen to these yahoos talk about the son's flippin' troubles with girls at UT!

Finally, I have a word about encores. I HATE THEM! Why does a band or a performer think that we should have to scream for them to grace us with one more song after they only played the barest minimum of a set to begin with? Not that I am a big fan of his, but John Mellencamp refuses to do encores, believing that a band should come out and give 110% for 3 hours and then leave. I tend to agree with his philosophy. Are these bands and performers that big of ego cases that they want to lord it over us about the fact that we have paid lots of money to see them and THEY control the relationship? It was cool to see Lou Reed and all that, but c'mon, man, throw us a few bones!

Another few underrated and little heard bands from my youth

2008-04-30T09:01:00.003-04:00

I really like the "Athens sound" that emerged during the early eighties. Once R.E.M. made it, everyone and their brother who even remotely had a band in the greater Athens area was signed to a record deal. A lot were kinda ho-hum, but a few were interesting in their own right, although never attaining the level of their rapid eye movement peers.

Guadalcanal Diary was one that captivated me when I was in high school, and I can't honestly explain why. This video is pretty blaise by today's standards, but it is still a really rockin' song:

Likewise, Dreams So Real had some great songs on their debut album. This one, the title track of their debut, was a favorite of mine of theirs:
Rough Night In Jericho - Dreams So Real
Enjoy!

End of school shindig - learning who can do stripper dance moves at a company party....

2008-04-26T22:11:00.003-04:00

The advising office end of the year party was last night. There was all sorts of food, all sorts of booze, and all sorts of people there. I was lucky enough to win an award as the "spam princess" for having promoted new weird holidays and the glory of processed foods. As is often the case, the booze made for some drama (none involving me, of course), mostly through weird dancing by unlikely people and bare emotions coming to the fore. But, a good time was had by most. Until next May...

I'm Bringing Sexy Back, old school style, just in time for summer!

2008-04-21T14:55:00.004-04:00

"You Down With OPB (Ocean Pacific Brand)?" "Yeah, you know me!" There I was, pacing the aisles of Wal-Mart, looking for something to fill the void in my life, when I chanced upon the discovery of the re-release of a clothing line near and dear to the hearts of those of us who came of age in the early eighties. Yes, I'm talking about the venerable OP clothing line, sold exclusively now at the Mart.

Gone are the days when we would have given our front teeth just for the opportunity to own an OP shirt. True, perhaps we placed too much value on material things when we were in middle school. And, probably, our sexuality as well, as I remember worrying profusely that a friend of mine and I wore similar blue OP shirts to middle school one day, only to be called "fags" by a bunch of cooler people who now probably work at Wal-mart. So, confident now in both myself, my sexual orientation, and the world in which I live, I hurl down the gauntlet of fashion and proclaim this summer not only the Summer of Mike but the Summer of Eighties Inspired Beach Wear! Who's with me?

Nice 'n' Moogy! Part Two

2008-04-17T16:12:00.003-04:00

If you liked the last stuff with the keyboards, you'll love this! Or, perhaps, not. Long before Devo did their devo thing, there was Kraftwerk. In some ways, I suppose they could be seen as a Teutonic Devo, although, it is more probably that Devo is an American Kraftwerk. With their hypnotic music, lyrical discussions of robots in German, and snappy makeup and outfits, it makes me want to get a really skinny tie, shave my beard, slick back my hair, and move in a jerky manner. Isn't that cool? Seventies Germany rocks - so unemotional and mannequin-esque. Just like me!

Enjoy!

Nice 'n' Moogy! Part One

2008-04-16T13:08:00.005-04:00

I took piano lessons. I was never really into them, mainly because we played Sound of Music songs for our recitals. However, there has been something in me lately that can't get enough of synthesizer sounds in music. I would love to have a Moog or Prophet-5 in my apartment, to make rumbling analog synth-pop type music. As a result, I offer some of my favorite keyboard songs here, for you, the viewers of the Veeb!

This first is from Genesis, off of their self-titled album, with a scary song called "Mama."

While that is indeed ominous, here is a really bizaare and scary video from a Swedish keyboard band called The Knife, with their hit "We Share Our Mother's Health." I am not sure what I have witnessed here, but fear that it has sent me over the edge into psychic distress...

Now, all I gotta do is find the old Casio keyboard from the eighties we used to have and, viola, instant hitmaking! Enjoy!

A word on makeup for men...

2008-04-16T10:56:00.002-04:00

Gee, I wish I were in a situation that I could wear makeup everyday. Not like being a drag queen, but makeup like that of rock stars in the seventies. Just think about it - coming to get my next advisee in the Advising Office with King Diamond-esque makeup on. I would want to be advised by me! That is one of my complaints about history - no theatricality! We need makeup, otherworldliness, to get our message to the people! Like Bowie said in "Diamond Dogs," "This ain't rock and roll...this is GENOCIDE!" I need to cut back on the caffeine, I think...

A semi-forgotten band of the early eighties...the Long Ryders!

2008-04-14T13:50:00.003-04:00

This band was in line with the REM / Byrds sound that seemed to dominate the early eighties while I was in high school. The kinda music that made you want to wear a white dress shirt with a black vest you got at Goodwill. Kinda wish they'd bring that kinda music back...anyone with me? I have a vest...

Revisitng an old favorite of mine...maybe it will become one of your's, too!

2008-04-11T14:56:00.003-04:00

Anyone that has not experienced the Peter Gabriel era of Genesis should. Here is their magnum opus from that era, "Supper's Ready," in three parts IT is worth the time investment...
Part one:

Part two:

Part three:

Enjoy - supper's waiting for you!

End of jury duty

2008-04-09T20:49:00.003-04:00

Closing arguments in the case I served on were given today, after which we adjourned to the deliberation room to discuss the case. After two and a half hours, we came to the decision to find the defendant guilty of both felony murder and first degree murder. It has been quite an educational experience, one which I am likely to never forget nor wish to repeat anytime soon. Perhaps most unnerving was the viewing of the crime scene photos and the autopsy photos while the victim's family were in the court room. The picture here shows the defense attorney (on the left), the judge, and the DA from our particular case. While another, more high profile case was being started across the street in the US District court, our little case proceeded with little or no mention in the papers or other media. However, the gravity of our charge as jurors was still quite a heavy burden and one that I hope future jurors will perform with the understanding that it is not anything like what the television shows lead us to believe.

Jury Duty update

2008-04-07T20:55:00.002-04:00

Despite my earlier rejection, I was picked today to be on another jury for a case involving murder and kidnapping. It has been interesting, as I have already heard testimony for the prosecution's case, as well as the defense rebuttals to this information. I'm not at liberty to talk about the particulars, but the actual experience with the jury has been enlightening. I am taking copious notes (thanks to history training), but as we all know, the presentation of reality and its construction through divergent sources can be a challenging enterprise. Both sides seem to believe it will be over by Wednesday, Thursday at the latest. By the way, they feed us at Calhoun's on the river - that seemed very surreal to me...

Jury duty in Knox County...oh, how fun!

2008-04-02T10:44:00.003-04:00

Much to my chagrin, I was placed on noticed earlier in the year that I would be required to serve on criminal court jury duty in the spring. I was hoping to get on the grand jury, as I actually wanted to see how that process worked in Tennessee. Of course, I did not get to do that, and was forced to choose a two week stint in which I would be able to serve on a court jury. Yesterday, I came within a hair of being on a sequestered jury for a first degree murder trial. I suppose I have no difficulties with that potentiality, but it was rather unsettling to be in the jury box looking at the defendant, who was sitting there looking at the jury of his peers. Needless to say, I have realized that lawyers on both sides do not want educated people on the jury, as they seem to be able to use their reason and critical thinking skills to determine which side made the better case, rather than just have a knee-jerk reaction to the whole affair. If I ever (God forbid) have to go before a jury of my peers, I shudder to think of some of the yahoos that might be determining my fate. I still have another week of this, so I will keep you updated - not that anyone reads this bleeding thing anyways...

Social networking sites...and my opinions about them

2008-03-26T09:51:00.005-04:00

I recently, after a long hiatus, decided to restart my Facebook page. Maybe it was the heady rush and momentary desire to be part of something that the other graduate students were all doing, even though I am typically not a joiner. Maybe it was the fact that I was lacking a clear sense of community in my life, however tenuous. Maybe it was because I have tired of the MySpace world - not my friends on there, but the interface. Or maybe, most probably, I was avoiding doing actual work on something substantive. Who will know?

One observation that I have, regardless of the social networking site, is that people often seem to be most interested in collecting friends in such a way that seems to preclude any sort of "real" interaction between them beyond posting cute messages, cute surveys, and cute photo comments. Or, conversely, people seem to use these sites to torpedo their enemies with ugly comments and messages in an attempt to get them fired from their jobs, broken up with their loved ones, or in trouble with their friends. I am not accusing anyone that I know of this - this is just my general observation.

However, despite my tirade of sorts here, I will socially network. But, to be honest, I more desire the interaction enjoyed during bull sessions in an office, or laughs over pints at the pub. Call me weird, but that is how I am. Now, if you will excuse me, I must away to Facebook to hunt down and begin my collection of friends forthwith - I'm aiming for 100 by the end of April!

A couple of Stiffs...

2008-03-25T10:56:00.004-04:00

I'm back on the Stiffs - Dave Edmunds, Nick Lowe, Elvis Costello, Rockpile. I want to start a new wave band - Ruthless Jonah and the Marble City Rockets. Whose with me?

Girls would talk about us, because we would be so sexy and exciting!
Enjoy!

Of all the things to see when you are sick...

2008-03-20T17:35:00.003-04:00

Those of you that know me know of my like for the Flaming Lips. I have seen them in concert, which were some of the most amazing musical experiences I've ever had. I have nearly all of their recorded output, which seems to have been getting better year after year. I have been praising them for quite some time, with good reason.

But, their latest album was not so great, mainly as it seemed to be a retread of many of the ideas from the album before. And, very peculiarly, I have been noticing the Lips' music accompanying different commercials. A lot of them. As I lay on my sofa, troubling deaf heaven with my bootless cries and cursing my intestinal fate, I saw a commercial for Kraft Salad Dressing that had Flaming Lips' music as its soundtrack. I thought it was a fever dream. But, I saw it again today and am saddened.

I realize that their music is their's to do with as they wish. If they want to shill for salad dressing, then they should should shill for salad dressing - I would rather hear them than yet another commercial with Katrina and the Waves "I'm Walking on Sunshine," after all. But, there is just something disconcerting about how music so quickly departs from being sublime to being subservient to the capitalist juggernaut. I'm still going to listen to the Flaming Lips, to be sure, but this whole episode has given me pause. What is next? The Sex Pistols' "Pretty Vacant" used for a Tampax commercial?

It has been a long time...

2008-03-20T09:02:00.004-04:00

I have rarely been so long between blog posts, especially as this is my Spring Break Week. However, circumstances beyond my control prevented me from attending to my posting duties.

Most importantly, I have been suffering from an intestinal unfortunateness that had me copiously leaking from both ends, to put it the most mildly that I can. It is only today, the first day since Sunday, that I have attempted to eat really solid food (toast). Thus, the best laid plans for my Spring Break, mainly drinking, were deferred for hugging the toilet in my apartment (although this was indeed cheaper than purchasing alcohol).

Now that I am returning to the pink of health, all I really want is a big hamburger and fries...I'm not sure why.

Some comments on rock music, rock musicians, and their adulation

2008-03-11T11:40:00.005-04:00

I am unsure of whether or not I like the idea of having a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I just read that Madonna was inducted into the RARHOF, begging the question, "Madonna? Rock and Roll?" I realize that rock music, broadly defined, includes a panoply of artists, everything from Run DMC to Hank Williams. But Madonna? Really? I mean, is "Like a Virgin" rock and roll? I just don't see it.

Indeed, I just don't understand the notion of a rock and roll hall of fame. I thought that rock music was supposed to be about rebellion, danger, and confrontation, things that seem antithetical to an institution that celebrates these artists 25 or more years after they have long ceased being rebellious, dangerous, or confrontational. The people that were true rockers are dead or in a mental institution. Not that I am encouraging hedonism a la Jim Morrison, but didn't these people get into this business for the immediacy of the music at the time they started doing what they did? Doesn't having a Hall of Fame go against this notion?

To be sure, as a historian, I am all about exploring and celebrating the past. But rock and roll's past doesn't seem suited to having a bunch of stuffed shirts decide that Iggy Pop, for example, should be given a black tie ceremony at 200 dollars a plate, with Cuban cigars and brandy, to celebrate how rebellious he was - isn't the music enough of a legacy? Which brings me back to Madonna - what is so great about her? The fact that she was consistently a media whore who so-so sang her songs? That she confronted American sexual mores by walking around naked and kissing women? That she won an Oscar? How is that rock and roll? I don't get it; I don't get it one bit...

I'm Waiting for my Man...and some other guys!

2008-03-11T08:03:00.003-04:00

Lou Reed, singer and songwriter of reknown and infamy, is coming to Knoxville at the end of April. Who knew that our back water burg would rate a guy like that? I got great seats to see him and will be able to say that I saw him when I talk to my grandkids (Did you really, Grandpa?). Of course, I didn't get to see him all drugged out and homosexual-acting as in this video:

Besides Lou, though, there are a few other bands that are coming this way that I am excited about as well. Pere Ubu will be playing here Easter evening, and X from Los Angeles will be in Asheville in May. Who knew that the big guns would end up in Knoxville and the surrounding environs, besides Kid Rock and Kenny Chesney? Looks like I will need to be giving more blood plasma to see 'em all!

Today is Cheese Whiz Day!

2008-03-07T12:59:00.005-05:00

Much like we did with Spam, my office decided to have another processed food day, this time with Cheese Whiz. I made Turkey Tetrazini with Turkey Spam, Ramon Noodles, and Cheese Whiz. Everyone liked it but Chuck, and he had to make a huge big damn deal about it that he couldn't eat it. Stay tuned for further details...

In honor of the cheesiness of the day, here is a really cheesy eighties video:

Enjoy!

Remember this?

2008-03-03T21:21:00.003-05:00

This is still, apparently, the craziest thing to happen in the TA office since we all left...

2008-02-28T07:56:00.002-05:00

Speed, thee, to Hell!

UPDATE: Ringling Brothers Circus - a Circus of LIES!

2008-02-25T21:52:00.003-05:00

My girlfriend, in her infinite wisdom, read my earlier circus blog and then hipped me to the reality of it all. The painted goats and the bearded worm women from Bavaria - all a dream of my fever-addled mind, apparently. Who knew? But the worst part was the laundry list of animal cruelty charges she read to me. Happy cartoon animals playing cards with the workers this ain't! Elephant beatings, killings, kidnappings, forced performances, clowns on drugs, child pornography with Spanky the Clown, interspecies orgies - the Ringling Bros is runnin' a regular Sodom and Gommorah of entertainment. I am thoroughly appalled, and so will not be going to this or any other circus, unless the animals have signed a waiver and have one of their representatives (maybe one of the monkeys) who will serve as a spokes-animal and tell me that it is okay to come to the show. Of course, if that were to happen, I would probably be too freaked out to go in! Needless to say, shame on the cruel ringmaster and his evil minions for their treatment of the animals and for destroying my dreams! I hope the elephants run amok in the Knoxville civic center - Power to the Pachyderms, baby!

I want to go to the circus...and I am not afraid of clowns!

2008-02-25T14:24:00.005-05:00

This next month, the circus is coming to Knoxville! And I want to go! My girlfriend is less than enthused about this, as she is not really into all the animals being made to dance and work and balance on tight ropes - she believes that the circus is cruel to these helpless creatures. But the way I look at it, these animals surely knew what they were getting into when they ran away and joined the circus! And who could blame them, cuz it's so freaking cool!

Plus, the circus has all them freaks that solve crimes and stuff! So, I say, let's go to the circus, eat some corn dogs, and dance around with the painted goats and the bearded worm women from Bavaria! I can't wait - hope I get to do it! My only fear is that I might stowaway on the train with them as they leave town and help the clowns and acrobats and freaks as they travel throughout America, restoring faith in the world each night I am with them by selflessly setting myself on fire and jumping off 5-story platforms into a vat of rabid eel-monkeys dressed in pirate suits. I would do that for you, because I'm a giver...

Why can't they make movies like this anymore?

2008-02-21T10:25:00.003-05:00

Seriously, will someone tell me why they don't make movies like this anymore? I realize that the 1970s amped up the excess in rock music to the point that punk HAD to happen, but this movie celebrates the theme of excess to such an excessive level that it seems almost comfortingly, orgiastically cathartic. Maybe the GSHA band could perform inside a building that's being imploded!

By the way, I HAVE TO SEE THIS MOVIE! THE TRAILER ALONE MADE ME CRAZY! WHAT A NAME FOR A MOVIE! Enjoy!

Spam Cookoff Update

2008-02-19T08:28:00.004-05:00

The first annual Spam Cookoff for the Arts and Sciences College has come and gone. While I was unsuccessful in attaining an award for my Spam Vindaloo (which is actually better with age, we discovered today), all of the recipes were quite good, despite all the preconceived notions of how Spam tastes. Chuck, incidentally, refused to participate and didn't even come in to sample the dishes, earning himself the coveted "Spam Punk" award in the Spammies. Travis Hardy, using the American Southwest as his inspiration, created a spicy Spam Hash that was quite yummy. The winner of the best in show Spammy was Megan Harris with her interesting Spam Cornbread casserole that was the hit of the event. Now that the buzz has died down and the Spam put away, we have decided to try something different for next month - maybe Ramon noodles or Cheese Whiz!

Variegated Brainstem - Year Two, Day One, Hour Ten!

2008-02-15T09:52:00.005-05:00

What a day it is today! The birds are singing, the squirrels are considering the current economic situation. Mothers pause to look lovingly into the faces of their babies, and former enemies throw down their machetes and axes to finally embrace in peace. We here at the Veeb are buoyed by the spirit of this day, and anxious about the dual goals of this Friday: celebrating our blog's anniversary and taking our Spam Vindaloo to the Arts and Sciences' Spam Cookoff. Although our initial excitement about our recipe was shared by all, last night's blind taste test revealed that among the things that the good Lord never intended was for Spam to be marinaded - Spam's density as a meat prevents its ready access to marinading forces. As a result, we are not so sure about our dish's success. Even served in one of television art teacher Dan Mihuta's clay bowl creations will probably not help...

But, in addition to the cookin', there is the rockin'!

Today is the first day of the rest of the fiscal blogging year that is the Variegated Brainstem!

Today is the day that one year ago the future of the world was set into motion!

Today is the day that one year ago a iron gauntlet was hurled into the face of humanity!

Today is the day that one year ago people began to realize again that MUSIC IS REVOLUTION!

Today is the day that one year ago a humble graduate student with nothing better to do took considerable time from his studies to bore the world with his acid casualty observations!

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is our extreme pleasure to welcome you to:

VARIEGATED BRAINSTEM, YEAR TWO: THE RECKONING
Enjoy!

The eve of the First Anniversary of the Veeb!

2008-02-14T08:02:00.004-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, are you as excited as we are? Tomorrow marks the first anniversary of the Variegated Brainstem blog. One year of laughs, tears, dreams realized and dreams defered, taint fins and beer, and rockin' out to some of the illest jams this side of Jupiter! Also, tomorrow, all of the Veeb staff will participate in the Arts and Sciences' first annual Spam Cookoff, with our world famous Spam Vindaloo which promises to be a sure fire thrill kill hit! We hope that you celebrate tomorrow's exciting developments, and stay tuned to the next year's blog posts, as new developments will be sure to abound: guest stars, plot twists, and a new theme song and credit sequence! Until the, keep watching the skies and Enjoy!

The Russians - don't count them out just yet!

2008-02-12T10:58:00.000-05:00

I just read on CNN that a Russian bomber plane buzzed a US aircraft carrier in the Pacific. Now, as a historian, I believe that we should never have counted those commie bastards out just yet. Consider the words of Dave Foley from the Kids in the Hall on this subject:

Let sleeping dogs lie. I say, NO! And you know what sleeping dogs I'm referring to, don't you? No? Well, let me refresh your memory. Russains! That's right, Russians, ruskies, communists, COMM-U-NISTS! Oh now you remember? Well, do you also remember how a few years ago all we ever talked about was how the Russians were gonna take over the world, and how every household would be run by communisis and their filthy communism.

Oh yeah, we feared the Russians back in them days, and for good reason too, but now all I ever hear is, "Poor little Russia, they've got no money!", "Poor little Russia, they've gone broke!" Poor little Russia THIS, and poor little Russia THAT! Don't you get it? Am I the only one who gets it? It's a trick. Communism never dies, communism is a cancer, a cancer sleeping, awaiting the moment to devour our freedom, to devour democracy.

There's one more thing I'd like to say. Killer bees! Forgot about them, didn't ya? Well that's just what they want us to do! That's right, the Russian communists, the killer bees, they're like this! (fingers crossed) So when people say to me let sleeping dogs lie, I say to them, friend, sleeping dogs...they eventually wake up...and chew out the throat of democracy! Don't you think I don't know what you're up to, Russia...

A remembrance of things past

2008-02-10T23:48:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I was thinking about traveling recently, especially those travels back in my youth. My sister, who shares my whacked sense of humor for things a bit askew, used to listen with me to tapes on our Realistic tape recorder on many family trips throughout this great land of ours. We would be in the back of the station wagon with the seat down, un-seatbelted of course, drawing on old computer print-out paper from my dad's office and reading comic books and playing Simon and Merlin and card games, all the while listening to Bible stories narrated by Burl Ives and various other tapes my parents had to make us tolerable during the trip. I don't know if she remembers, but we used to giggle and giggle in evil glee at some of the songs on a compilation tape of oldies that my parents had. There was "Que Sera Sera" sung by Doris Day. Mitch Miller did "The Yellow Rose of Texas." But, the one that really got us cackling was "Hey, There (You with the stars in your eyes)," sung by Rosemary Clooney, George's aunt. The way it was recorded, she would sing the chorus (Hey there, you with the stars in your eyes...) in one channel and then speak a reply in the other channel (Are you talking to me?). This was too funny for the both of us, and we would laugh and laugh and laugh and hyperventilate and laugh and laugh and eat some Trix cereal and laugh and laugh and rewind the tape and listen to this again and again and laugh and laugh and laugh until we were at the beach or West Virginia or wherever we were going. This video I have posted is probably from a Karaoke machine, so it has no pictures. However, I think that you will agree, as my sister and I believed and still believe, that this remains either very funny or very disturbing. Maybe even both! My sister has since gone on to be an amazing mother of four (I am her oldest) and I hope that she will one day pass this song on to her other kids as some sort of legacy that will either slightly scar their psyches or make them continue to enjoy drawing pictures of purple dogs and orange trees.

Enjoy!

1970s Soft Rock - why the mundane can be frightening...

2008-02-06T09:28:00.000-05:00

Having recently admitted my love and secret shame of MOR seventies soft rock, I have been, as I often do, hyper-looking at and listening to videos and songs of this genre. I must be OCD when it comes to music, because I get fixated on something like "sunshine pop" and then, for 3 or 4 weeks, can do nothing but download and listen to this type of music. And, as before, my new obsession has become seventies soft rock, and I have been sucking this stuff down like an opium addict. HOWEVER, this video by the band Exile has kinda creeped and freaked me out.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the disembodied lips on the wall and on the floor. Maybe it's the lead singer's rough androgyny that makes him/her look like a man, then a woman, then a man in such a way that makes me wonder if he is a demonic entity - the dance gyrations don't help. Maybe it is the singluar theme of the lyrics, which proclaim that the only focus of the protagonist will be to get his baby and kiss her all over, all over, all over, again and again - not that I am against kissing or kissing all over, for that matter, but the band's singleminded focus on this particular activity make me wonder if there might be tentacles and spinal fluid sucking involved. Maybe it is the fact that the band is, in my opinion, WAY to into their music, as if they are heralding a new age of utopian revolution or that their music rocks in a similar way as, say, the Ramones. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing it, but you have to admit that they don't make bands like this anymore, which might be a good or a bad thing depending on how you look at it. Either way, enjoy!

Yacht Rock - the reason for the internet!

2008-02-04T19:24:00.000-05:00

While I can engage in music snobbery with the best of them, dropping Yo La Tengo and Joy Division references while I hold my nose at the regular pablum that constitutes modern radio, I have always had a soft spot (secret shame?) for the lighter end of the rock spectrum. Apparently, I am not alone, as I chanced upon a group of videos by a bunch of guys from California detailing the untold stories of the creation of what they term "yacht rock" - the Kenny Loggins, Michael McDonald, Steely Dan, Doobie Brothers type of music that dominated the airwaves of the late seventies and early eighties. These videos are brilliant and provide a wonderful take on this hidden history that so clearly needed to be told. This is the first episode, entitled "What a Fool Believes;" hopefully you will tear up and laugh out loud at the same time, like I did. We should have done this kinda stuff with the GSHA...

Enjoy!

2008-02-03T14:41:00.000-05:00

I can't wait to be Left 4 Dead!

2008-01-30T17:44:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while, a video game comes along that makes me quiver with excitement. I realize that I am older and wiser but, dammit, I enjoy playing these games. I don't shoot heroin or kidnap little girls at the playground or bilk old people out of their savings. I just happen to enjoy the occasional video game. To be sure, I am not a huge fan of the zombie genre, but after recently watching videos about the upcoming video game Left 4 Dead, I am excited beyond words...at least concerning an upcoming video game. To be sure, being ABD means that I must now work on my dissertation for my PhD. But I am worried that too much work on the PhD will cause me to not be able to adequately stem the tide of zombie aggression that will be unleashed in the summer of 2008. What is a man to do? Stay tuned for details, and KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES!

Victory!

2008-01-26T09:46:00.000-05:00

ABD, repeat after me, sing "Nah Nah Nah Nah!"

Dance the dance of the space goddess ritual! Neuron-eating music and videos for your perusal!

2008-01-23T10:27:00.000-05:00

People like to suggest, sometimes, that I am some sort of acid burnt wacko, a persona that I, sometimes, encourage perhaps. However, if youtube had been around when I was doing chemical alterations to my psyche, THIS kind of video would have made me a prime candidate for a rubber room and arm and leg restraints. Hell, it's freaky enough WITHOUT drugs; I couldn't imagine watching this already out of my mind! Of course, I have watched it repeatedly today!

You know me - I like all sorts music, high brow and low brow. But this video just makes my bowels and nads hurt with an unimaginable horror - no wonder punk music needed to happen and happened when it did! "But, wait," you might say, "I thought you liked bands like the Osmonds!?! Aren't they similar?" I won't quibble on that point - both bands are somewhat of the same ilk. HOWEVER, the Osmonds were musical geniuses, a Mormon Beatles, if you will. They mined the depths and heights of our emotions and imaginations, making this world a better, kinder, and stronger place. They played their instruments AND danced AND sang AND smiled AND all the while searched for ways to end world hunger, fight Communist Aggression, and pursue the race to land a man-made vehicle on Mars. The band in this video, on the other hand, was so obviously only in it for the money - how else do you explain someone voluntarily playing this kind of garbage and doing so in public on television? For the joy of the music and the ability to entertain? HELL NO! Money, pure and simple, is the source of this horse manure! So, go tell "the Man" to honk on bubba for foisting crap like this onto us! Enjoy!

A fun past time for the GSHA music set - fictional band album art

2008-01-22T18:21:00.000-05:00

Here is a way to blow some time that I discovered recently on a variety of blogs, such as this one and this one. It is a way to create a fake album cover for a fake band that you make! Follow these instructions and you will waste a ton of time, giggling, sighing, or wishing that these bands existed. If you dream it, they will come to your house and rock!

Your band name comes from a random Wikipedia article and your album title comes from the last 4 words of the last quote from a random quotation and your album art is the third on this page of random Flickr photos.

Slap it all together and you get something like this:

Martorell - they're a zeitgeisty tour-de-force that combines the post-punk intensity of Joy Division, the dual lyricism of Bernie Taupin and Lou Reed, and the full-on feedback assault of the Jesus and Mary Chain, all nicely piled up together in a sunshine pop and vocal-harmonizing wrapping of the Osmonds. Check them out this spring on tour, if you can. Enjoy!

False Start, part deux

2008-01-22T11:50:00.000-05:00

"Yes...victory is soon to be in our grasp! Mike has yet to take his group 2 exam and, if our plans go forward as I have anticipated, the longer we can postpone his exam, the more easily we can take over the world, the solar system, the GALAXY! HAaa-haaa-haaa-haaa-haaa!"

In case you are wondering, inclement weather prevented me from taking my exam, AGAIN! I need a hug...

Vote on T-shirt Designs

2008-01-17T14:21:00.001-05:00

Well, true believers, here are the finalists for Variegated Brainstem's t-shirt design. We have been searching and crafting and pondering what a t-shirt design should mean for us. We still don't really know, but these are some of the proposed designs:

Feedback? Enjoy!

An update - still on the launch pad!

2008-01-17T10:01:00.000-05:00

So, there I was at 9:20, in the small conference room, ready to start my Group 2 exam at 9:30. At 9:26, I was informed that one of the professors could not make it and that we would have to reschedule. I so wanted to get this over with, but I suppose that's the life of a shuttle mission specialist, having to hurry up and wait. Oops, I mean that's the life of a historian...

Group 2 Exam today

2008-01-17T07:38:00.000-05:00

I go before the tribunal today!

The first Variegated Brainstem Music collection

2008-01-11T15:11:00.000-05:00

Hello, loyal viewers! The Veeb has issued its first soundtrack CD, entitled Make the Madness Stop. It contains a variety of psyche-skewing songs for your musical aggrandizement. Tracks on this first of several collection include:

1. Stereo Phase Test - Man Or Astroman (01:04)
2. Magic People - The Paupers (02:45)
3. At The Mountains Of Madness - HP Lovecraft (04:58)
4. I Put Spell On You - Arthur Brown (03:45)
5. The year of the sun - The Gordian Knot (03:02)
6. my mind - The Misunderstood (02:35)
7. Spiral Galaxy 28948 - Hawkwind (03:47)
8. Through My Eyes - The Creation (03:07)
9. Lysergic Bliss - Of Montreal (04:04)
10. I'm A Nut - (01:02)
11. Bottle Of Wine - Fireballs (02:11)
12. Cup Of Jesus - Joel R. Cooper (02:26)
13. Sardinia - Alabama Sacred Harp Singers (02:14)
14. I live for the sun - The Sunrays (02:28)
15. Laughing Stock - Love (02:32)
16. A Chicken with Its Head Cut Off - The Magnetic Fields (02:42)
17. The Third Eye - The Dovers (02:17)
18. Happy - The Sunshine Company (01:58)
19. Trouble - Lindsey Buckingham (03:49)
20. Me - The Brain Train (02:25)
21. Groovy Summertime - The Love Generation (02:24)
22. White Cat Heat - The Godz (02:12)
23. Something In 4/4 Time - Daryl Hall (04:27)
24. You Keep Hanging up on My Mind - Wendy & Bonnie (02:59)
25. Watch out for Me Ronnie - Yo La Tengo (03:02)
26. Some People Never Know - We All Together (04:21)
plus a secret or too!

Not to toot our horns here at the VCC (Veeb Central Control), but we are pleased at how this CD flows, making everything from dish-washing to the daily commute to encounters with the rhino-hive mind something to look forward to! Drop us a line if you would like a copy. Enjoy!

The Veeb's first and only comments on the election showdown - a simple message to all the candidates...

2008-01-09T18:58:00.001-05:00

Dear candidates, Democrat and Republican,

It is only January and the Sunday morning quarterbacking has already begun concerning who is going to win the nominations and who is going to win the election. Through all the discussions and debates and stumping, it is clear that the American people have decided that change and hope are more important virtues in their candidates than experience and managerial panache. The Veeb's editors have but one thing to say, paraphrasing the late, great Pat Paulson:

We've upped our standards,
so up yours!

A crooner for the ages - who will be our pick?

2008-01-08T07:59:00.000-05:00

Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band, as many of you know, is one of our favorites here at the Veeb. The Captain has a 5 octave vocal range and a penchant for screaming, grunting, and growling his way through electrified blues and into your heart, head, and mind. We provide for you (above) a selection from his first LP, Safe As Milk, entitled "Electricity!"

Unlike the Captain and his friends, Scott Walker started as a crooning pop singer with a group called the Walker Brothers, a popular band during the 1960s British Invasion. After going solo, Scott Walker began to sing increasingly darker and disturbing songs about prostitutes, homosexuals, communist dictators, and torture interagators, ultimately producing albums of high-pitched falsetto singing about urban decay and despair over top the sounds of orchestras, industrial noises, and metallic destruction. This video gives an example of the first type of music Scott Walker was involved with:

On a side note, I had a weird dream last night that I thought was interesting: a panther was running around my backyard, scaring black cats that were running away and jumping up in the air - which made me laugh out loud. An Eskimo ran in with a pine tree branch and wounded the panther in the side. I screamed "No, no, Nanook!" As he lay dying, the panther looked up at me and simply asked," Why?" What does this mean?

Memorial to Missy: the end of an era - blame the f-ing Nazis and Britney Spears!

2008-01-03T12:50:00.000-05:00

My girlfriend, due to her Snidely Whiplash-esque ex-landlord's cluelessness, was forced to find a new house and move all of her belongings within the month of December. Due to the condition of her elderly cat Missy, the feline's euthanasia was deemed the most humane thing to do, especially as a move to a new environment would most assuredly have been traumatic to the cat. So, ever the dutiful boyfriend, I helped with the burial of the remains and fashioned a headstone for her. Hats off to Missy - may you run free and poop and pee to your heart's content!

On a lighter note(!?), I saw that Britney Spears has finally lost it. I am not a Britney watcher, to be sure, but have of late been surprised at the public ungluing of someone that seemed to have it all - money, fame, a deadbeat husband, her own fragrance. The pictures of Britney laughing hysterically in the back of an ambulance, strapped to the gurney and obviously whacked out of her mind on Lord knows what kind of medication, were like watching a man give the thumbs up before jumping out of the airplane without his parachute.

This is not to suggest that Missy the Cat and Britney Spears are comparable in some metaphorical sense. But, if she isn't careful, Britney may be headed for that big kitty litter box in the sky! Only time and lots of Vicadin will tell...

First post 'o' the year, and boy am I through with fast food!

2008-01-01T10:21:00.000-05:00

I am, despite my righteous anger about fun eateries, lazy when it comes to cooking. So. not wishing to eat oatmeal for breakfast, I decided to go get a cup of coffee and some breakfasty something from McDonald's. Only after scraping my taste buds down with a broken piece of glass was I able to compose myself long enough to write the following letter:

Dear, Mr. McDonald,
I decided, againt my better judgement, to visit one of your establishments for a quick breakfast and coffee before going off to a Jack Russell Terrier swap in Clinton. I am nothing without my morning coffee, but I usually must have something in my stomach to temper the effects of the heady brew's voodoo upon my person. However, as I drove away, screaming at the puppies in the back of my station wagon to quiet their incessant yapping, I chanced to drink some of the swill your corporation purports to present as coffee. I would ask since when are green beans an ingredient in black coffee, as that was the only taste that dominated my palate for several hours after embibing your coffee. I may have been raised in the hills of east Tennessee, far away from the coffee exchanges of Vienna and Seattle, but I most assuredly know that what you gave me in that cup was nothing even remotely related to coffee. Criminey, even the war rationed coffee cut with chicory served during our struggles against the Axis powers tasted better than your vile beverage. I now remember why I don't frequent your establishments - you have food and drink that has such middle range bland and evil tastes that I would be more rewarded by sticking one of my dogs' paws in a hot cup of water to steep and drink for my morning beverage. I hope you are happy - 2008 is now ruined for me.

Sincerely,
Rev. Merle Rickard, Esq.

I hope they got the point! New Year's Resolution One for the Veeb: NO fast food!

Are you ready to shake your booty? European dance vids from the 1970s are what you need!

2007-12-27T10:52:00.000-05:00

This is one of the greatest videos ever put on the internet. Can you feel it? The hypnotic beats of the band make you fall down in disco-inspired seizures.

In case the first video didn't get your toes a-tappin' and your legs a-twitching, here is a video of the great German Krautrock band Can, performing their hit "Paperhouse." If ever you wished that you could find a German band that had a Japanese singer who sang in English, all the while convulsing on stage with his jazz-rock posse high on mushrooms and schnapps, then this one is for you! Enjoy!

A Video for Boxing Day!

2007-12-26T09:54:00.000-05:00

I don't know what prompted me to want to post this video - maybe the want of snow, the anomie and despair, or my inclination to get something for breakfast. This is one of those that I could watch pretty regularly and I don't know why. Featuring my favs the Kids in the Hall, it must be seen to be believed. Enjoy and have a wonderful day!

Finally, I am in the Christmas spirit!

2007-12-21T06:58:00.000-05:00

I went to watch my nieces and nephew go see Santa Claus, something I have done since the birth of the oldest in 2001. We then went and watched one of those houses in a neighborhood where the owner has a radio station that you listen to and he has synced his lights to music. It was tackily interesting and the kids enjoyed, although the middle child was more interested in when we were going to get to McDonald's. So, much like the Grinch, my heart has been pierced by the miracle of Christmas, or at least by watching children enjoy it. Merry Christmas!

My nose hurts and my eye has started twitching again! Bah-humbug!

2007-12-17T17:08:00.000-05:00

I can't get into the spirit of the season. My sickness, my impending Group Two exam, my lack of anything exciting to give to anyone for Christmas, our death culture of plasticity - all these conspire to make me a melancholy Dane. What's a man to do? Ho freaking ho!

A Festivus Miracle!

2007-12-14T11:07:00.000-05:00

My original office goose cup has been returned to me, safe and intact. The reunion was muted and brief, but it was understood by the both of us that our separation had a far more profound effect on ourselves than we could have possibly imagined. After returning to my office cubicle, I couldn't help but fill the cup with my tears...tears of joy, to be sure, but tears nonetheless. Now, I am off to drink some coffee in the cup and catch him up with all the office gossip. Oh, the times we will once again share together!

GSHAers - anyone interested in forming a Day of Defeat group?

2007-12-12T12:38:00.000-05:00

I am considering starting up Day of Defeat: Source on my laptop. Anyone else interested in doing the same? I miss our times in Kalt...

I'm sick! But, what a picture to make me happy!

2007-12-12T08:59:00.000-05:00

Who could be mad, sad, or sick when Don Dare is hamming it up for the Cub Scouts? Thanks to my bro-in-law Brian for the shot!

Tribute to an important influence...

2007-12-03T17:58:00.000-05:00

Those of you that know me know that I spent time in Alaska and thoroughly enjoyed it. During my stay there, I was privileged to work with several interesting individuals that helped shape me into the lean, mean, historigraphical machine that I have become. One in particular was Mr. C. Scott Fry, whose video is presented above. Among his many brush strokes on my canvas (nothing sexual), he introduced me to Beck's beer and Tom Waits, as well as granted me my increased ability to consume alcohol - note the numerous scenes of drunken pontificating and cursing throughout the video (apologies to those with virgin ears). I even have the old guitar and guitar case that he gave me, which I use to screech out tragic paeans to love lost and love won. While many of the Veeb's viewers will be disinterested, perhaps, the best part of the video is to showcase the interior of the beloved Alaskan Hotel and Bar with C. Scott Fry, where he was my manager. So, without waxing too poetic about him, I give you the man, the myth, and the legend!

Some ruminations about the GSHA's former watering hole...

2007-12-01T08:54:00.000-05:00

Lately, Chuck and I have been engaged in the pursuit of our comprehensive exams and have not been to the Bean for a while. We decided, after his completion of his Group Two exam, to go there and hang out for a while. Much has changed. Smoking is no longer allowed in the building. All the televisions are high-def flat screens - there's even one facing the outside through the window so the people on the porch can watch sports. The bathroom is devoid of much graffiti, beyond some of the cogent observations that I have placed on the wall. The food is EXACTLY the same. They no longer have Pabst's Blue Ribbon on tap. Most of the servers and bartenders are new and have no idea that we have a long history there.

Perhaps it is wistfulness that makes me write this. It is hard to go somewhere after spending so many evenings there with friends to not be somewhat nostalgic over the whole affair. At the same time, our recent visit merely confirmed what I had felt all along when we went there: I don't like Cool Beans! I never did! I just thought the atmosphere was too sports bar and too frat and too Bacardi Girls and body shots and "Dude!" Not that I am above that, but I had always envisioned the Long Branch as a more suitable historian hangout. To be sure, the Branch didn't have food, pitchers, semi-clean bathrooms, or Bacardi Girls.

I know, as the good book says in 1 Corinthians, "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things." I realize that all of this is about as important as whether Kroger's runs out of Chex mix when compared to issues such as world hunger, peace, and war. This blog entry has no real denouement other than to say that, now that I am in the twilight of my grad school career, I miss having a large group of historian friends there to share it with.

And, then, the anomie sets in...

2007-11-26T20:36:00.000-05:00

Why is it that the passage of these huge landmarks of historical graduate work, such as comps, lead inevitably to a period of black moods? I should be happy, and I suppose, I am, as I passed a monumental hurdle. It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. However, it isn't the ecstatic rush to the head that I had hoped it would be. There are still obstacles to overcome, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. So, on to Group Two...

Things to be thankful for...

2007-11-22T10:33:00.000-05:00

Number 1, first and foremost, is that I have passed my Group One comp exam. It was touch and go there for a while, and I worried that I would lose control of my bowels briefly in the morning, but I remembered those great words of wisdom that "the butcher with the sharpest knife has the warmest heart." Regardless if they believed my answers to be an intelligent romp through American history, or merely workmanlike and passable, is irrelevant. It is over and done and I have but one more test to go before I am unleashed into the world of ABD. This does not produce in me cocksuredness, as I realize that I still have yet another interrogation at the hands of my Group Two committee, where they will decide if I am ready for Total Social Conversion or if I am unmutual and must be banished from the program. This will, however, hopefully not involve drugs or psychic manipulation with electronic torture devices. Tryptophan overdosing today does not count...

Enjoy, and happy holidays!

The day after comps...

2007-11-21T11:51:00.000-05:00

Know what I mean?

Comps are over...so here's the Who!

2007-11-20T17:44:00.000-05:00

I am nervous about comps tomorrow, but...

2007-11-19T11:00:00.000-05:00

I have realized that everything I have ever needed to know, I learned on Schoolhouse Rock, especially the one about the Preamble of the Constitution (professional historians may balk, but you have to let me think this for me to keep my sanity). Sing it with me!

The Preamble Song

Hey, do you know about the U.S.A.?
Do you know about the government?
Can you tell me about the Constitution?
Hey, learn about the U.S.A.

In 1787 I'm told
Our founding fathers did agree
To write a list of principles
For keepin' people free.

The U.S.A. was just startin' out.
A whole brand-new country.
And so our people spelled it out
The things that we should be.

And they put those principles down on paper and called it the Constitution, and it's been helping us run our country ever since then. The first part of the Constitution is called the preamble and tells what those founding fathers set out to do.

We the people,
In order to form a more perfect union,
Establish justice, insure domestic tranquility,
Provide for the common defense,
Promote the general welfare and
Secure the blessings of liberty
To ourselves and our posterity
Do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

In 1787 I'm told
Our founding fathers all sat down
And wrote a list of principles
That's known the world around.

The U.S.A. was just starting out
A whole brand-new country.
And so our people spelled it out
They wanted a land of liberty.

And the Preamble goes like this:

For the United States of America...

Enjoy!

A Sunday morning of reflection...

2007-11-18T10:40:00.000-05:00

Comps are coming in two days. My beloved office coffee cup with Christmas geese on it has been kidnapped and probably brainwashed into joining some revolutionary quasi-religious suicide cult a la Patty Hearst and the SLA. I have recruited Gordon, my desk gnome, to protect my other goose cup, but it may be a bit too much for him, as the cup is bigger than he is. Oh, that Gordon!As for the rest of it, I have wanted to post this video for some time. It is by a Spanish band from the sixties called Los Bravos, best known for their hit song "Black is Black." This video, of a song entitled "Going Nowhere," seems appropriate to what is going on in my life right now, with tests and kidnapped cups. Note the lead singers strained facial expressions while he is in the depths of mod-a-go-go dance moves - looks like he's trying to keep from deucing one up, even as he winks at the camera! Everyone else acts like they are having hip convulsions - which of them are using a walker now, one might wonder if one wondered those sorts of things.

Enjoy!

ATTENTION, GSHAers!

2007-11-17T22:23:00.000-05:00

The Green Fairy is legal again in the United States! Absinthe all around! Sugar cubes abound! French Poetry will resound!

I like cartoons, but explain something to me...?

2007-11-17T09:45:00.000-05:00

Yes, I realize that I am a grown-ass man. But, I am man enough to state that I enjoy watching cartoons on Saturday morning in my footy pajamas and my bowl of cereal. And one of my favorites is the new Batman cartoon on the CW network, appropriately titled The Batman. It has Batman and Robin AND Batgirl all fighting crime together in Gotham City. My question is, and realize that I am not a misogynist, but why Batgirl? Are we so hung up on girl power and all that to require that Batman and Robin can't just be Batman and Robin? Homoerotic allusions to the B and R team aside, Batman and Robin have always been the team - Batgirl was an ancillary associate of the Dynamic Duo. And, that is okay. It is okay to have guys doing guy things together, without women...isn't it? I'm not suggesting that women can't be crime fighters - look at the success of Murder She Wrote! And to those individuals that want to psychoanalyze the pederastic nature of the Batman and Robin relationship - yes, I've seen the comic strip to the left and know all about the weird and sick theories concerning Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson. Do all single male authority figures, such as Batman, scoutmasters, Big Brothers, have to be child molesters? Is that the only reason to have Batgirl on the cartoon, as a kind of chaperone so that Batman isn't going to take Robin into a dark alley and have his way with him? Why wouldn't people assume the reverse, when in the early episodes Robin had not yet been introduced to the cartoon? What kept Batman from gettin' it on with the Batgirl? I'll tell you what - it is because Batman is so consumed with fighting crime and exacting vengeance on the criminal element that ruined his young life by taking his parents away that he is unlikely to be wanting a sexual relationship with a young boy, especially as this could possibly jeopardize his secret identity as Bruce Wayne, playboy millionaire, not Bruce Wayne, millionaire pedophile. So, why do we HAVE to have Batgirl in the cartoon regularly? And, no, I haven't over-analyzed this too much...

A Tribute to a lost companion...

2007-11-16T20:36:00.000-05:00

To my other, now kidnapped, Christmas goose cup, I offer this:

Second Poem

Thank god I have an innocent eye for nature.

I was born to remember a song about love - on a hill a butterfly

makes a cup that I drink from, walking over a bridge of
: flowers.

- Peter Orlovsky

You will be missed. But, it's better to burn out than it is to rust...

On seeing a wedding reception at TGI Friday's in Pigeon Forge...your funeateries have become tiresome!

2007-11-14T16:56:00.000-05:00

The American populace has a multitude of choices daily thrust upon them. We are bombarded with eighteen different brands of toilet paper, thirty different brands of toothpaste, a million different brands of a million different products, each claiming superiority over the other. And not only dry goods; the venues within the marketplace are as varied as our shopping experience itself. Dozens of grocery chains, clothing store chains, bookstore chains, even coffee chains, each with an agenda of pursuing the consumer for their exclusive business. I regret that this has happened.

We have allowed the international conglomerates to control our buying decisions. We see choice and the “freedom” it imparts as a good thing, something that industry and big business want us to continue to accept as true. We think nothing of going to the big, national lumber store instead of Uncle Fred’s hardware that we patronized for years, all because the price is cheaper. And yet, is the quality of a proportionate level to cause us to disregard this factor in our buying? Would we rather deal with a minimum wage teenager, with no investment in their job, or would we rather deal with Uncle Fred, who owns his store and is dependent on our business for his livelihood, who can tell us where the locking washers are, what size threaded elbow we’d need, or that we shouldn’t spend our money on that particular saw blade since this one is cheaper but of equal quality for the job we’re doing? Is our demand for choice worth the lack of communication and service that tends to accompany it?

The evolution of the community watering hole and restaurant is an excellent example of this. Gone are the days when an eatery of local and historical value that serves good, homemade food can compete with the chain restaurants. I lament the day that the fast-food diners supplanted the local Mom and Pop café. It is more expensive, for sure, but Mom and Pop make each meal to order, make you want to return, give you a relaxed atmosphere, refill your tea, learn your name as you frequent their business, remember your likes and dislikes, wave to you on the street or at the store, ask about your family. Will the girl at the counter at Dairy Queen treat you in the same manner? More than likely, no.

Most repugnant to me are the so-called “fun-eateries”, the restaurants that seek to offer a lively, party-filled atmosphere, where sports are on televisions throughout, the piped-in music is the latest popular offerings, the food much the same from one to the other. Each tries to create a mood of relaxation, with pop icons, motorcycle memorabilia, football jerseys, license plates fixed to the walls, a very transparent attempt to tap into the American collective consciousness. Each offers a large draft beer in an interestingly shaped mug, each with a unique and masculine name, such as the “Brewtus”, or the “Bulldog”. Nacho appetizers abound. Food straight from the grill on small frying pans, the waitress always stating, “Be careful, honey. This plate is really hot!”, the sound of sizzling entrées melding with sports scores and hurrahs from the fans in the restaurant. Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?

I used to live in a town where this trend was visibly apparent at a place called Applebee’s. Some friends and acquaintances frequented this establishment almost nightly, knowing each item on the menu as if it were scripture, thinking that watered down beer and cutesy drinks such as the ‘Red Headed Slut’ and the ‘Bahama Mama’ were the epitome of excitement. I will grant you, that at the time there was really no other place for a young man or woman to go on a Friday night in town; this, I suppose, I can now accept. However, I am saddened that the only spot in town was a restaurant chain, with the same layout as the Applebee’s in the next town, with no apparent individualistic essence, no uniqueness specific to where we lived.

This is the ‘Wal-Martization’ or the ‘McDonaldization’ of America; we have choices, and yet we are not allowed to choose the choices offered to us. How are local restaurants to compete, when they lack a corporate juggernaut behind them? Every Applebee’s, every Benigann’s, every Chili’s, every T.G.I. Friday’s, every freakin' ‘fun-eatery’ - what makes them any different from any other one of these establishments? All the food is the same, maybe not in taste, but in character, since each serving is precisely measured and accounted for. Each restaurant is laid out the same, with the bar in the middle, the focal point of the lively activity that is offered to the consumer. Regardless of the intricacies of the bartender’s skill or their engaging personality, each bar is limited to the libations that the corporate office allows, since market research is their primary tool for determining the most popular brands of drink and food. The uniforms of the wait staff are usually the same, with golf shirts and name tags and little aprons. Other than the accent of the majority of the people in the restaurant, what is there, in these places, to distinguish them from any other restaurant of the same chain in another part of the country? Or in the world, for that matter?

I must pause here, and explain my distress. I understand that each restaurant has its unique character, even within the tightly bound dictates of a large chain. The people that work there and the people that come to the restaurant both help to create this individuality. However, what I cannot abide is the fact that individualism is confined within strict guidelines, determined by careful market study and surveys. We are allowed to get crazy and mix it up, but only as long as our frivolity conforms to the corporate plan. I am not suggesting that another restaurant, unburdened by the company millstone, would necessarily present an atmosphere ripe for unhindered creativity and expression; hell, I’ve been to some local hash houses that made me long for a Shoney’s.

Why now, Mike? You don't go to these places and you don't have the money to go to them regularly even if you did want to go to them? Well, why not? When you are served hyper-sugarified iced tea on an empty stomach in the middle of the afternoon at a TGI Friday's in the middle of Pigeon Forge, you tend to think about these things. Long live neo-luddism and the revisionist critiques of gendered subaltern agency in historical tropes of post-modern discourse!

Historiography might be important to a historian, but that doesn't mean I have to like home decorating shows!

2007-11-13T16:03:00.000-05:00

Does historiography really matter to anyone besides us? I mean, c'mon, who on the street is really going to be concerned with how the various schools of American historical thought argued about the issue of reform during the Jacksonian period?

And, while I am ranting, who really cares for this guy with the 5 day beard on Oprah that redecorates houses? Nate - I believe his name is. He's probably a nice enough guy, but I just want to kick his teeth in sometimes, along with every other redecorating ya-hoo on the TV. They make things look more cluttered, less comfortable, and all about filling a room with the latest reproduction crap from Pottery Barn! Is Oprah telling us that conspicuous consumption is a necessary facet of being a self-actualized human being? Isn't that what was being suggested during the Progressive Era with the notion of a "therapeutic ethos" driven by consumer spending? (see what I did there - I brought my rant back to history and historical topics...like you really care, you trading spaces tools!)

Countdown to the Group one gigglefest...

2007-11-09T06:33:00.000-05:00

Too dramatic?

Jerry and Hef together - only in the sixties, man!

2007-11-07T22:01:00.000-05:00

"Well, so there we were. There was six of them, seven of us, armed to the teeth with buck knives..." Even if you don't like the Grateful Dead, you have to like the fact that Jerry can hang with anyone, even the ubercool and hip crowd at Playboy After Dark. Jerry stays easy going with Hugh Hefner and doesn't miss a beat with his "Absolutely NOT!" comment before joining the band for some grass-fueled jamming. Their playing of "St. Stephen" rocks, and notice the offbeat dancing of the bunnies and the mod stiffs in the audience. Enjoy!

Who knew? Did you?

2007-11-06T16:58:00.000-05:00

I am always up for learning new and interesting things, especially as I am trying to study for comps. Why would I need all the room in my brain for just history? There are all sorts of things out there for me to discover, and it makes a fellow kinda squishy inside to think that they might learn something new, each and every day.
That said, I was surprised and dismayed that there were people on this earth who engage in the activity of rabbit show jumping. Competitively. Much like the equestrian version, rabbit show jumping involves a trainer (not a jockey) going around to various stations with various sized hurdles and encouraging the rabbit to jump over them. That's it! Is that f%cked, or what?

I don't know why, but this makes me laugh hysterically at the same time the anger swells within. To be sure, why should I care? I mean, rabbits are jumping animals. It's not like they are trying to make them swim or wear little Star Trek themed outfits. They're just making them jump, competitively. Nothing wrong in that, I suppose, but I smell a future doping scandal in the works. And, I guess, therein lies the problem for me, because something so innocent and pure and silly as rabbit jumping will likely decay into a celebrity driven festival of emptiness that will make us all want to eat Drano and get it over with, and that makes me angry. I don't understand where it comes from, but it feels like the same kind of anger that I experience when I think about the new WB show, Gossip Girl, which the mere sight of the commercials drives me into an insane rage little seen in this hemisphere. How many f%cking more television shows do we need about rich, vacuous white kids with too much money, too little sense, and the sex drives of speed-addicted howler monkeys? I HATE THESE SHOWS! And the next thing you know, on a very special episode of Gossip Girl, we will be introduced to the dark back-alley side of competitive rabbit show jumping! Jesus, please come back to us real soon! We need you!

Happy Guy Fawkes Day! Why didn't the GSHA ever celebrate this?

2007-11-05T15:49:00.000-05:00

"A desperate disease requires a dangerous remedy!" Enjoy!

Fist in the air for All Your Base Are Belong to Us and the GSHA!

2007-11-04T16:44:00.000-05:00

To my brothers and sisters, I just wanted to say that while you're out there smashing the state, don't forget to keep a smile on your lips and a song in your heart! Enjoy!

It's Halloween at the Advising Office!

2007-10-31T15:48:00.000-04:00

Several of the advising folks, including myself, dressed up as interesting characters. Surprisingly, none of the other graduate advisors really decided to dress up except for me (not sure why) - I wore my hippie dress thing and a knitted hat and a psychedelic funk gleam in my eye that could be perceived through my righteous shades. Not sure why none of the other advisors dressed up... maybe I need to act like someone who is actually older than I act. Or...The Hell with That!

Here were the best costumes of the front office:

Rachel(above) was the old lady in curlers in her housecoat that grumps at the kids for playing in the yard and screams at the trashmen for banging the cans!
Leapin Lizards! Anne (above) WAS Annie, down to the dance moves, the swell singing, and the plucky personality! Sandy, however, had apparently gone rabid, as Anne was forced to pierce Sandy's spinal cord with an old coat hanger to keep her doggy at bay!

And meow Stephanie (above) was a meow-meow cat woman, who went meow above and meow the call with meow her dangerously applied fake eyelashes meow! Damn, we need to dress up more often, so that I can have an excuse to wear women's clothing (like I really need an excuse).

SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE! and BAKE! BAKE! BAKE!

2007-10-30T08:01:00.000-04:00

Enjoy!

White soul - can you dig it?

2007-10-26T13:19:00.000-04:00

I've been listening to a lot of soul, blues, and rhythm and blues these last few days. Many soul and R&B artists covered this song by the Bee Gees, such as this one:

Say what you will about them, but they could write a good song! Enjoy!

Mommy, what's the dog doing?

2007-10-23T18:58:00.000-04:00

Is it just me, or is this really funny? Why is the mother freaking out that much? Is her guest a canine fecalphobiac? Enjoy!

Some of my new favorite mu-suck-ial groups - part one

2007-10-23T07:27:00.000-04:00

Every one should follow their muse and do the things that make them happy (within reason - zoosadism and pedophilia don't count). I have yet to find my overriding passion, but these folks seem to have found their's, although perhaps in ways that make the rest of us scratch our heads and go "Huh?" or "Do what?"

This first is Leslie and the Lys, the brainchild of Leslie Hall, a gold lame beehive-hairdoed lady from Iowa who envisions herself as a rap / hip-hop genius (who's to say she isn't?). Here she presents what is probably the only (that I'm aware of) musical pop tribute to the Ron Howard movie Willow:

Watching this makes me repeatedly wonder: why didn't we do stuff like this in the TA office?

Lawrence Welk - oh how I love him!

2007-10-20T19:23:00.000-04:00

For those of you that know me, you know that I love the Lawrence Welk Show. It started innocently enough, watching it with my grandmother. I reasoned that I could choose to either really hate it or really completely get into it. As I opted for the latter, I became quite a fan of the show, mainly for its overly upbeat American ideal being played out during the Vietnam War, civil rights, and the hippie movement during the 1960s and 1970s. With this in mind, it is amazing to see a song such as this played on the show, especially given the double-meaning of the song lyrics to all the heads who might have tuned in to the show in the Seventies. As a historian, this is an example of how the establishment can take something from the underground and sanitize it for its own purposes, whatever those may be. Unlike other videos of the Welk Show on YouTube, this is real and actually happened:

It begs the question of whether or not the singers actually knew what they were singing. Or, maybe they had just ingested a heapin' helpin' of Thai Stick to help them through their performance! Either way, enjoy!

Actually, THIS is the 200th one...I think

2007-10-19T10:27:00.000-04:00

According to Blogger, this post will actually be the 200th one, not the last one from yesterday. So, I suppose my excitement in the last post was misplaced, or at least premature. Just like a man...

With everyone I know in the spirit of excitement that such a momentous occasion can create, it was difficult to decide how best to commemorate the event. A parade seemed too showy, as did a concert series in the park. I thought about having a star-studded telethon, but I only kind of know one (Don Dare) and he's too busy fighting corruption in nursing homes and spoiled pork-stickers in the Chinese restaurants of Knoxville to really be available.

So, this will have to suffice - a song from one of my secret shames:

Enjoy!

Variegated Brainstem turns 200 - kind of...

2007-10-18T09:39:00.000-04:00

We have come to the 200 mark on the Veeb! We did it, Ma! Two hundred blog entries. Two hundred pearls of wisdom (or bullcrap, depending on your point of view). Two hundred times that we have wasted a moment together. But...was it really wasted?

I think not...

Dily Lama - an arresting update

2007-10-17T22:08:00.002-04:00

After further investigation, I have discovered, and I am sad to report, that Dillard Clark has passed on to his final reward. I was unaware of this, having not visited with him for years. I was reminded that he used to tell me to keep my aftershave in the fridge to keep it potent. And, as my sister pointed out, he was a member of our church and contributed an original recipe to the church cookbook for cantaloupe pie. We have decided to make it, despite our hatred of cantaloupe, in honor of the man. I've included a video of the Beatles, Dillard's favorite band, here for all of us to remember him by as we get ready to make his unique pie. So, here's to you, Dillard, and hope you have found peace as much as you gave to others!

I also include "Legend of a Mind" by the Moody Blues - you'll understand why if you don't already.

Enjoy!

it'sstephanie'sbirthdayandthereisallsorts of sugar products here at work that Ichosetoeatanditmademe verynervousandspedup

2007-10-17T12:57:00.000-04:00

MY EYE IS STILL TWITCHING REGULARLY AND IT IS DRIVING ME FURTHER INSANE THAN I ALREADY AM WITH THE SUGAR! What's a fellow to do? What if it spreads to my third eye?

Are you kind? Cuz it just felt like a Dead kinda day!

2007-10-16T07:36:00.000-04:00

Gosh, the Grateful Dead in 1970 were so cute! They seemed so alive and into their music, even if they just kinda stood there and gazed off into space. The crowd sure was into their music, even if most of them had no rhythm whatsoever. This is when I like the Dead the best, before all the drugs made them too jazzy and less R&B-y. Indeed, Rhythm and Blues and Blues is my latest obsession du jour. So, expect more of that for a while until I lock onto something else. Enjoy!

I am an idiot....

2007-10-13T22:52:00.001-04:00

Dear Deb,
Love, Mike

A blast from my past and my only degree of separation from Timothy Leary

2007-10-13T01:31:00.000-04:00

When I was in high school, several of my left of center friends always sported cool and trendy haircuts that made me jealous. I so wanted to be like them, at least folliclely. That is when John Cate, a fellow drummer in the marching band and a source of cool music, mentioned that he got his hair cut by Dillard Clark, a father of two members of the high school band who were always so hip, fashionable, and cool looking. Nervously, I decided to go to Dillard for a haircut to see what might happened. As it turned out, he was a dyed in the wool hipster who loved all things exotic and interesting and was more than happy to help with my quest to reach hairdo perfection, although his end results were frequently the cause of much debate and anguish between my mother and myself. But I digress...

After leaving Kingsport for college, I lost touch with Dillard. I heard that he had opened a shop to sell new agey items on the city limits, appropriately named the Dilly Lama. In a recent fit of boredom and backwards lookingness, I chanced upon his Myspace page and was amused to find that he had embraced his inner visions to finally become who he had always been - a devout Hindu, the Dilly Lama himself. As you can see, Dillard reached out to touch and meet other inner travelers of the Third Eye Express such as Dr. Timothy Leary (though I doubt that picture was taken in Kingsport). So, while I don't know that I'll ever require his services again, or even know if Dillard still cuts hair, I nevertheless embrace him as an influential visionary in my life who found the beauty of living in a town that smelled of dogshit 9 months out of the year. He knew joy and it was contagious. Take care and thanks for the perms!

One of my favorites...

2007-10-11T09:06:00.000-04:00

Leo Kottke - what more can you say? Enjoy!

This was going on in my brain when I was on drugs back when I used to do drugs...

2007-10-10T09:55:00.000-04:00

Now you know, and knowing's half the battle. Enjoy!

I, Icarus, fall headfirst into oblivion...

2007-10-08T21:41:00.000-04:00

It was with a heavy heart that I finally realized the extent of my descent from previous glory on the Myspace friend's list of Henry. To be sure, it means nothing concerning our friendship - it is merely a shuffling of bytes and electrons so as to appease his more fragile followers. And yet...MY RANKING ON HIS LIST WAS ALL I HAD TO LIVE FOR IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! Sure, I shuffled it off with puckish aplomb, because that is what he'd expect of me - to be a good soldier tried and true. But, deep down, I am dead inside. When I discovered my new locale, I raced home tearfully, leaped into bed, assumed the fetal position, and turned the electric blanket up to nine (thanks Limelighters). My world fell down...