First post 'o' the year, and boy am I through with fast food!

I am, despite my righteous anger about fun eateries, lazy when it comes to cooking. So. not wishing to eat oatmeal for breakfast, I decided to go get a cup of coffee and some breakfasty something from McDonald's. Only after scraping my taste buds down with a broken piece of glass was I able to compose myself long enough to write the following letter:

Dear, Mr. McDonald,
I decided, againt my better judgement, to visit one of your establishments for a quick breakfast and coffee before going off to a Jack Russell Terrier swap in Clinton. I am nothing without my morning coffee, but I usually must have something in my stomach to temper the effects of the heady brew's voodoo upon my person. However, as I drove away, screaming at the puppies in the back of my station wagon to quiet their incessant yapping, I chanced to drink some of the swill your corporation purports to present as coffee. I would ask since when are green beans an ingredient in black coffee, as that was the only taste that dominated my palate for several hours after embibing your coffee. I may have been raised in the hills of east Tennessee, far away from the coffee exchanges of Vienna and Seattle, but I most assuredly know that what you gave me in that cup was nothing even remotely related to coffee. Criminey, even the war rationed coffee cut with chicory served during our struggles against the Axis powers tasted better than your vile beverage. I now remember why I don't frequent your establishments - you have food and drink that has such middle range bland and evil tastes that I would be more rewarded by sticking one of my dogs' paws in a hot cup of water to steep and drink for my morning beverage. I hope you are happy - 2008 is now ruined for me.

Sincerely,
Rev. Merle Rickard, Esq.

I hope they got the point! New Year's Resolution One for the Veeb: NO fast food!