I'm sick! But, what a picture to make me happy!

Who could be mad, sad, or sick when Don Dare is hamming it up for the Cub Scouts? Thanks to my bro-in-law Brian for the shot!

I like cartoons, but explain something to me...?

Yes, I realize that I am a grown-ass man. But, I am man enough to state that I enjoy watching cartoons on Saturday morning in my footy pajamas and my bowl of cereal. And one of my favorites is the new Batman cartoon on the CW network, appropriately titled The Batman. It has Batman and Robin AND Batgirl all fighting crime together in Gotham City. My question is, and realize that I am not a misogynist, but why Batgirl? Are we so hung up on girl power and all that to require that Batman and Robin can't just be Batman and Robin? Homoerotic allusions to the B and R team aside, Batman and Robin have always been the team - Batgirl was an ancillary associate of the Dynamic Duo. And, that is okay. It is okay to have guys doing guy things together, without women...isn't it? I'm not suggesting that women can't be crime fighters - look at the success of Murder She Wrote! And to those individuals that want to psychoanalyze the pederastic nature of the Batman and Robin relationship - yes, I've seen the comic strip to the left and know all about the weird and sick theories concerning Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson. Do all single male authority figures, such as Batman, scoutmasters, Big Brothers, have to be child molesters? Is that the only reason to have Batgirl on the cartoon, as a kind of chaperone so that Batman isn't going to take Robin into a dark alley and have his way with him? Why wouldn't people assume the reverse, when in the early episodes Robin had not yet been introduced to the cartoon? What kept Batman from gettin' it on with the Batgirl? I'll tell you what - it is because Batman is so consumed with fighting crime and exacting vengeance on the criminal element that ruined his young life by taking his parents away that he is unlikely to be wanting a sexual relationship with a young boy, especially as this could possibly jeopardize his secret identity as Bruce Wayne, playboy millionaire, not Bruce Wayne, millionaire pedophile. So, why do we HAVE to have Batgirl in the cartoon regularly? And, no, I haven't over-analyzed this too much...

Fever dreams influenced by the humidity...

"A smile is just a frown turned upside down, my friend!" Great song, but don't these people kinda freak you out in a Logan's Run coupled with The Omega Man kinda way?

Isn't this a dumb but catchy song? H-Bomb protection!

Where are they now? I would love to see a rock concert culminate with the ritualistic burning of a thousand plus My Buddy dolls, all while a Stooges-esque churning riff via Chrome propelled us into cathartic bliss!

I need some sleep and coolness...

My next phone - a major decision in my life...

I have about decided that I will be purchasing a new phone soon and very soon. I have also about decided that I will need to get one that is either (a) waterproof, (b) floats, or (c) knows how to swim. As these are not typically cell phone options, I have decided that I need to get one that is easily recognizable and would, therefore, be easily noticed were it not in my pocket and sinking to the bottom of, say, a toliet.

Ergo, the phone that I am envisioning for myself is a Hello Kitty phone. I'm not a fan, nor do I have any real understanding of the Hello Kitty ethos. On the flip side, I'm not afeared of what people will think of me with such a phone. I just need a bright pink phone that will be easily recognized in the john. Likewise, the added weight of having a Hello Kitty phone sinking to the bottom of a port-a-john will make me more inclined to safeguard my phone in a more secure pocket. But not because I would be embarassed by Hello Kitty. The way I see it, if I have one, more people will automatically want to get one of their own, mainly because I am so hip and with it.

No more horrid visions of things to come...why is that?

Seriously, why is it that they don't make good (or even bad) post-apocalyptic motion pictures anymore? Is it because we ain't still fighting the Russkies? Where are the Omega Man, Planet of the Apes (not Tim Burton's), or Soylent Green of our generation? Or Logan's Run or Clockwork Orange? Or even a good radiation-filled, happening film that examines man's inhumanity to man through the interplay of scantily clad nuclear holocaust amazons riding big motorbikes with razor sharp horns while they hunt down the scientist males who possess the unclean technology? That actually sounds like a promising film...

I suppose that the Mad Max films serve as a living bridge to the Heston armageddon series, albeit with a more nihilistic overtone than the 1970s films. But, even after having watched a few minutes of the first movie the other night on the late show, I believe that the original Mad Max was a kick-ass movie, kinda like Bullit in the outback after the breakdown of societal restraint and the rejection by law enforcement to actually obey the laws they enforce. And, yes, there were several approximations of this genre by other auteurs, all with screaming cars, buxom mohawked women, and angry anti-heros. But why not now?

Of course, the eighties and early nineties saw a raft of Blade Runner rip-offs which, even with bad movies like Johnny Mnemonic, had a certain appeal that frightened and delighted me at the same time. To be sure, Blade Runner as an action film is pretty boring. But, it is visually stunning, with its imagery of decay and modernity coupled together in such a way that is hard to soon forget, especially if you like seeing Rutger Hauer all slick and menacing (makes me want to wear my hair all spiked up).

Although, speaking of hair and my fear that I may now look like a reject from an eighties film, I think one of the most underrated post-apocalyptic movies from the eighties has to be Footloose. I mean, think about it - (1) stranger comes to repressive town that is isolated from the rest of the world (due to Reagan's foreign and domestic economic policies), (2) stranger has new paradigm for doing things in this repressive society (dance, dance, dance is the revolution solution), (3) stranger uses extra-ordinary physical prowess to enable him to function in a world ripped apart by divisive notions of the future and past ("You better run, city boy, cuz we're gonna mess you up!"), (4) stranger triumphs in such a way that the pyrrhic victory he has accomplished is meaningless and of little consequence ("Now we get to dance and shake our asses any time we damn well please!"). As you can see, Footloose is essentially Road Warrior in middle America. Except without cars. Or crossbow-toting maniacs. But, other than that, Footloose is a shot for shot homage!

So, what the GSHA needs to do is make a new post-apocalyptic film for the new millenium. Maybe even a series, like the Mad Max films, with opportunities for residual profits from toy and commemorative drink glass campaigns at the fast food franchises. The wheels in my head are spinning with ideas - all we need is a title. How about Gender and Power in Rural China: The Aftermath (happens to be the book I am reading right now, but I added the aftermath part)?

You can't take the boy out of the man...

While I was of the generation who first played with Star Wars action figures, I was always somewhat dismayed at their lack of posability and their constraints on my youthful imagination (mainly because they were the products of George Lucas's mind and not mine). You couldn't do wild and wacky things with them because each figure already possessed a back story that was pretty well defined by the movies, as well as all the resultant cultural baggage that was attached to this saga (e.g. Luke Skywalker was a good guy, Greedo was not).

However, I didn't feel the same restrictions with another action figure line called Micronauts. While there were clearly defined good and bad guys, the figures were a bit more non-descript, they were much more posable than other figures, they had little "cultural baggage" and, in my mind, they were a hell of a lot more fun than Star Wars figures. Whenever I would play with the two, the Micronauts would nearly always win, taking over the Millenium Falcon and inihilating the Star Wars people, good and bad (since the Star Wars people would have to ally themselves together to meet the onslaught of the Micronauts!) Then, the Micronauts would have an internal struggle over who would hold supremacy over their race, leading to an intense afternoon of political intrigue, murder, and epic battles across the living room, ending just in time to watch Battle of the Planets! And that was just last week at my apartment!