The Best - Dragnet's take on drugs....

Glitter and Doom is coming to Knoxville and I can't waits...

Of all the things to see when you are sick...

Those of you that know me know of my like for the Flaming Lips. I have seen them in concert, which were some of the most amazing musical experiences I've ever had. I have nearly all of their recorded output, which seems to have been getting better year after year. I have been praising them for quite some time, with good reason.

But, their latest album was not so great, mainly as it seemed to be a retread of many of the ideas from the album before. And, very peculiarly, I have been noticing the Lips' music accompanying different commercials. A lot of them. As I lay on my sofa, troubling deaf heaven with my bootless cries and cursing my intestinal fate, I saw a commercial for Kraft Salad Dressing that had Flaming Lips' music as its soundtrack. I thought it was a fever dream. But, I saw it again today and am saddened.

I realize that their music is their's to do with as they wish. If they want to shill for salad dressing, then they should should shill for salad dressing - I would rather hear them than yet another commercial with Katrina and the Waves "I'm Walking on Sunshine," after all. But, there is just something disconcerting about how music so quickly departs from being sublime to being subservient to the capitalist juggernaut. I'm still going to listen to the Flaming Lips, to be sure, but this whole episode has given me pause. What is next? The Sex Pistols' "Pretty Vacant" used for a Tampax commercial?

I'm Waiting for my Man...and some other guys!

Lou Reed, singer and songwriter of reknown and infamy, is coming to Knoxville at the end of April. Who knew that our back water burg would rate a guy like that? I got great seats to see him and will be able to say that I saw him when I talk to my grandkids (Did you really, Grandpa?). Of course, I didn't get to see him all drugged out and homosexual-acting as in this video:

Besides Lou, though, there are a few other bands that are coming this way that I am excited about as well. Pere Ubu will be playing here Easter evening, and X from Los Angeles will be in Asheville in May. Who knew that the big guns would end up in Knoxville and the surrounding environs, besides Kid Rock and Kenny Chesney? Looks like I will need to be giving more blood plasma to see 'em all!

Today is Cheese Whiz Day!

Much like we did with Spam, my office decided to have another processed food day, this time with Cheese Whiz. I made Turkey Tetrazini with Turkey Spam, Ramon Noodles, and Cheese Whiz. Everyone liked it but Chuck, and he had to make a huge big damn deal about it that he couldn't eat it. Stay tuned for further details...

In honor of the cheesiness of the day, here is a really cheesy eighties video:

Enjoy!

I want to go to the circus...and I am not afraid of clowns!

This next month, the circus is coming to Knoxville! And I want to go! My girlfriend is less than enthused about this, as she is not really into all the animals being made to dance and work and balance on tight ropes - she believes that the circus is cruel to these helpless creatures. But the way I look at it, these animals surely knew what they were getting into when they ran away and joined the circus! And who could blame them, cuz it's so freaking cool!

Plus, the circus has all them freaks that solve crimes and stuff! So, I say, let's go to the circus, eat some corn dogs, and dance around with the painted goats and the bearded worm women from Bavaria! I can't wait - hope I get to do it! My only fear is that I might stowaway on the train with them as they leave town and help the clowns and acrobats and freaks as they travel throughout America, restoring faith in the world each night I am with them by selflessly setting myself on fire and jumping off 5-story platforms into a vat of rabid eel-monkeys dressed in pirate suits. I would do that for you, because I'm a giver...

Why can't they make movies like this anymore?

Seriously, will someone tell me why they don't make movies like this anymore? I realize that the 1970s amped up the excess in rock music to the point that punk HAD to happen, but this movie celebrates the theme of excess to such an excessive level that it seems almost comfortingly, orgiastically cathartic. Maybe the GSHA band could perform inside a building that's being imploded!

By the way, I HAVE TO SEE THIS MOVIE! THE TRAILER ALONE MADE ME CRAZY! WHAT A NAME FOR A MOVIE! Enjoy!

Spam Cookoff Update

The first annual Spam Cookoff for the Arts and Sciences College has come and gone. While I was unsuccessful in attaining an award for my Spam Vindaloo (which is actually better with age, we discovered today), all of the recipes were quite good, despite all the preconceived notions of how Spam tastes. Chuck, incidentally, refused to participate and didn't even come in to sample the dishes, earning himself the coveted "Spam Punk" award in the Spammies. Travis Hardy, using the American Southwest as his inspiration, created a spicy Spam Hash that was quite yummy. The winner of the best in show Spammy was Megan Harris with her interesting Spam Cornbread casserole that was the hit of the event. Now that the buzz has died down and the Spam put away, we have decided to try something different for next month - maybe Ramon noodles or Cheese Whiz!

Variegated Brainstem - Year Two, Day One, Hour Ten!

What a day it is today! The birds are singing, the squirrels are considering the current economic situation. Mothers pause to look lovingly into the faces of their babies, and former enemies throw down their machetes and axes to finally embrace in peace. We here at the Veeb are buoyed by the spirit of this day, and anxious about the dual goals of this Friday: celebrating our blog's anniversary and taking our Spam Vindaloo to the Arts and Sciences' Spam Cookoff. Although our initial excitement about our recipe was shared by all, last night's blind taste test revealed that among the things that the good Lord never intended was for Spam to be marinaded - Spam's density as a meat prevents its ready access to marinading forces. As a result, we are not so sure about our dish's success. Even served in one of television art teacher Dan Mihuta's clay bowl creations will probably not help...

But, in addition to the cookin', there is the rockin'!

Today is the first day of the rest of the fiscal blogging year that is the Variegated Brainstem!

Today is the day that one year ago the future of the world was set into motion!

Today is the day that one year ago a iron gauntlet was hurled into the face of humanity!

Today is the day that one year ago people began to realize again that MUSIC IS REVOLUTION!

Today is the day that one year ago a humble graduate student with nothing better to do took considerable time from his studies to bore the world with his acid casualty observations!

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is our extreme pleasure to welcome you to:

VARIEGATED BRAINSTEM, YEAR TWO: THE RECKONING
Enjoy!

A remembrance of things past

For some reason, I was thinking about traveling recently, especially those travels back in my youth. My sister, who shares my whacked sense of humor for things a bit askew, used to listen with me to tapes on our Realistic tape recorder on many family trips throughout this great land of ours. We would be in the back of the station wagon with the seat down, un-seatbelted of course, drawing on old computer print-out paper from my dad's office and reading comic books and playing Simon and Merlin and card games, all the while listening to Bible stories narrated by Burl Ives and various other tapes my parents had to make us tolerable during the trip. I don't know if she remembers, but we used to giggle and giggle in evil glee at some of the songs on a compilation tape of oldies that my parents had. There was "Que Sera Sera" sung by Doris Day. Mitch Miller did "The Yellow Rose of Texas." But, the one that really got us cackling was "Hey, There (You with the stars in your eyes)," sung by Rosemary Clooney, George's aunt. The way it was recorded, she would sing the chorus (Hey there, you with the stars in your eyes...) in one channel and then speak a reply in the other channel (Are you talking to me?). This was too funny for the both of us, and we would laugh and laugh and laugh and hyperventilate and laugh and laugh and eat some Trix cereal and laugh and laugh and rewind the tape and listen to this again and again and laugh and laugh and laugh until we were at the beach or West Virginia or wherever we were going. This video I have posted is probably from a Karaoke machine, so it has no pictures. However, I think that you will agree, as my sister and I believed and still believe, that this remains either very funny or very disturbing. Maybe even both! My sister has since gone on to be an amazing mother of four (I am her oldest) and I hope that she will one day pass this song on to her other kids as some sort of legacy that will either slightly scar their psyches or make them continue to enjoy drawing pictures of purple dogs and orange trees.

Enjoy!

1970s Soft Rock - why the mundane can be frightening...

Having recently admitted my love and secret shame of MOR seventies soft rock, I have been, as I often do, hyper-looking at and listening to videos and songs of this genre. I must be OCD when it comes to music, because I get fixated on something like "sunshine pop" and then, for 3 or 4 weeks, can do nothing but download and listen to this type of music. And, as before, my new obsession has become seventies soft rock, and I have been sucking this stuff down like an opium addict. HOWEVER, this video by the band Exile has kinda creeped and freaked me out.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the disembodied lips on the wall and on the floor. Maybe it's the lead singer's rough androgyny that makes him/her look like a man, then a woman, then a man in such a way that makes me wonder if he is a demonic entity - the dance gyrations don't help. Maybe it is the singluar theme of the lyrics, which proclaim that the only focus of the protagonist will be to get his baby and kiss her all over, all over, all over, again and again - not that I am against kissing or kissing all over, for that matter, but the band's singleminded focus on this particular activity make me wonder if there might be tentacles and spinal fluid sucking involved. Maybe it is the fact that the band is, in my opinion, WAY to into their music, as if they are heralding a new age of utopian revolution or that their music rocks in a similar way as, say, the Ramones. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing it, but you have to admit that they don't make bands like this anymore, which might be a good or a bad thing depending on how you look at it. Either way, enjoy!

I can't wait to be Left 4 Dead!

Every once in a while, a video game comes along that makes me quiver with excitement. I realize that I am older and wiser but, dammit, I enjoy playing these games. I don't shoot heroin or kidnap little girls at the playground or bilk old people out of their savings. I just happen to enjoy the occasional video game. To be sure, I am not a huge fan of the zombie genre, but after recently watching videos about the upcoming video game Left 4 Dead, I am excited beyond words...at least concerning an upcoming video game. To be sure, being ABD means that I must now work on my dissertation for my PhD. But I am worried that too much work on the PhD will cause me to not be able to adequately stem the tide of zombie aggression that will be unleashed in the summer of 2008. What is a man to do? Stay tuned for details, and KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES!

Dance the dance of the space goddess ritual! Neuron-eating music and videos for your perusal!

People like to suggest, sometimes, that I am some sort of acid burnt wacko, a persona that I, sometimes, encourage perhaps. However, if youtube had been around when I was doing chemical alterations to my psyche, THIS kind of video would have made me a prime candidate for a rubber room and arm and leg restraints. Hell, it's freaky enough WITHOUT drugs; I couldn't imagine watching this already out of my mind! Of course, I have watched it repeatedly today!

You know me - I like all sorts music, high brow and low brow. But this video just makes my bowels and nads hurt with an unimaginable horror - no wonder punk music needed to happen and happened when it did! "But, wait," you might say, "I thought you liked bands like the Osmonds!?! Aren't they similar?" I won't quibble on that point - both bands are somewhat of the same ilk. HOWEVER, the Osmonds were musical geniuses, a Mormon Beatles, if you will. They mined the depths and heights of our emotions and imaginations, making this world a better, kinder, and stronger place. They played their instruments AND danced AND sang AND smiled AND all the while searched for ways to end world hunger, fight Communist Aggression, and pursue the race to land a man-made vehicle on Mars. The band in this video, on the other hand, was so obviously only in it for the money - how else do you explain someone voluntarily playing this kind of garbage and doing so in public on television? For the joy of the music and the ability to entertain? HELL NO! Money, pure and simple, is the source of this horse manure! So, go tell "the Man" to honk on bubba for foisting crap like this onto us! Enjoy!

The first Variegated Brainstem Music collection

Hello, loyal viewers! The Veeb has issued its first soundtrack CD, entitled Make the Madness Stop. It contains a variety of psyche-skewing songs for your musical aggrandizement. Tracks on this first of several collection include:

1. Stereo Phase Test - Man Or Astroman (01:04)
2. Magic People - The Paupers (02:45)
3. At The Mountains Of Madness - HP Lovecraft (04:58)
4. I Put Spell On You - Arthur Brown (03:45)
5. The year of the sun - The Gordian Knot (03:02)
6. my mind - The Misunderstood (02:35)
7. Spiral Galaxy 28948 - Hawkwind (03:47)
8. Through My Eyes - The Creation (03:07)
9. Lysergic Bliss - Of Montreal (04:04)
10. I'm A Nut - (01:02)
11. Bottle Of Wine - Fireballs (02:11)
12. Cup Of Jesus - Joel R. Cooper (02:26)
13. Sardinia - Alabama Sacred Harp Singers (02:14)
14. I live for the sun - The Sunrays (02:28)
15. Laughing Stock - Love (02:32)
16. A Chicken with Its Head Cut Off - The Magnetic Fields (02:42)
17. The Third Eye - The Dovers (02:17)
18. Happy - The Sunshine Company (01:58)
19. Trouble - Lindsey Buckingham (03:49)
20. Me - The Brain Train (02:25)
21. Groovy Summertime - The Love Generation (02:24)
22. White Cat Heat - The Godz (02:12)
23. Something In 4/4 Time - Daryl Hall (04:27)
24. You Keep Hanging up on My Mind - Wendy & Bonnie (02:59)
25. Watch out for Me Ronnie - Yo La Tengo (03:02)
26. Some People Never Know - We All Together (04:21)
plus a secret or too!

Not to toot our horns here at the VCC (Veeb Central Control), but we are pleased at how this CD flows, making everything from dish-washing to the daily commute to encounters with the rhino-hive mind something to look forward to! Drop us a line if you would like a copy. Enjoy!

Memorial to Missy: the end of an era - blame the f-ing Nazis and Britney Spears!

My girlfriend, due to her Snidely Whiplash-esque ex-landlord's cluelessness, was forced to find a new house and move all of her belongings within the month of December. Due to the condition of her elderly cat Missy, the feline's euthanasia was deemed the most humane thing to do, especially as a move to a new environment would most assuredly have been traumatic to the cat. So, ever the dutiful boyfriend, I helped with the burial of the remains and fashioned a headstone for her. Hats off to Missy - may you run free and poop and pee to your heart's content!

On a lighter note(!?), I saw that Britney Spears has finally lost it. I am not a Britney watcher, to be sure, but have of late been surprised at the public ungluing of someone that seemed to have it all - money, fame, a deadbeat husband, her own fragrance. The pictures of Britney laughing hysterically in the back of an ambulance, strapped to the gurney and obviously whacked out of her mind on Lord knows what kind of medication, were like watching a man give the thumbs up before jumping out of the airplane without his parachute.

This is not to suggest that Missy the Cat and Britney Spears are comparable in some metaphorical sense. But, if she isn't careful, Britney may be headed for that big kitty litter box in the sky! Only time and lots of Vicadin will tell...

Are you ready to shake your booty? European dance vids from the 1970s are what you need!

This is one of the greatest videos ever put on the internet. Can you feel it? The hypnotic beats of the band make you fall down in disco-inspired seizures.

In case the first video didn't get your toes a-tappin' and your legs a-twitching, here is a video of the great German Krautrock band Can, performing their hit "Paperhouse." If ever you wished that you could find a German band that had a Japanese singer who sang in English, all the while convulsing on stage with his jazz-rock posse high on mushrooms and schnapps, then this one is for you! Enjoy!

A Video for Boxing Day!

I don't know what prompted me to want to post this video - maybe the want of snow, the anomie and despair, or my inclination to get something for breakfast. This is one of those that I could watch pretty regularly and I don't know why. Featuring my favs the Kids in the Hall, it must be seen to be believed. Enjoy and have a wonderful day!

My nose hurts and my eye has started twitching again! Bah-humbug!

I can't get into the spirit of the season. My sickness, my impending Group Two exam, my lack of anything exciting to give to anyone for Christmas, our death culture of plasticity - all these conspire to make me a melancholy Dane. What's a man to do? Ho freaking ho!

A Sunday morning of reflection...

Comps are coming in two days. My beloved office coffee cup with Christmas geese on it has been kidnapped and probably brainwashed into joining some revolutionary quasi-religious suicide cult a la Patty Hearst and the SLA. I have recruited Gordon, my desk gnome, to protect my other goose cup, but it may be a bit too much for him, as the cup is bigger than he is. Oh, that Gordon!As for the rest of it, I have wanted to post this video for some time. It is by a Spanish band from the sixties called Los Bravos, best known for their hit song "Black is Black." This video, of a song entitled "Going Nowhere," seems appropriate to what is going on in my life right now, with tests and kidnapped cups. Note the lead singers strained facial expressions while he is in the depths of mod-a-go-go dance moves - looks like he's trying to keep from deucing one up, even as he winks at the camera! Everyone else acts like they are having hip convulsions - which of them are using a walker now, one might wonder if one wondered those sorts of things.


Enjoy!

Who knew? Did you?

I am always up for learning new and interesting things, especially as I am trying to study for comps. Why would I need all the room in my brain for just history? There are all sorts of things out there for me to discover, and it makes a fellow kinda squishy inside to think that they might learn something new, each and every day.
That said, I was surprised and dismayed that there were people on this earth who engage in the activity of rabbit show jumping. Competitively. Much like the equestrian version, rabbit show jumping involves a trainer (not a jockey) going around to various stations with various sized hurdles and encouraging the rabbit to jump over them. That's it! Is that f%cked, or what?

I don't know why, but this makes me laugh hysterically at the same time the anger swells within. To be sure, why should I care? I mean, rabbits are jumping animals. It's not like they are trying to make them swim or wear little Star Trek themed outfits. They're just making them jump, competitively. Nothing wrong in that, I suppose, but I smell a future doping scandal in the works. And, I guess, therein lies the problem for me, because something so innocent and pure and silly as rabbit jumping will likely decay into a celebrity driven festival of emptiness that will make us all want to eat Drano and get it over with, and that makes me angry. I don't understand where it comes from, but it feels like the same kind of anger that I experience when I think about the new WB show, Gossip Girl, which the mere sight of the commercials drives me into an insane rage little seen in this hemisphere. How many f%cking more television shows do we need about rich, vacuous white kids with too much money, too little sense, and the sex drives of speed-addicted howler monkeys? I HATE THESE SHOWS! And the next thing you know, on a very special episode of Gossip Girl, we will be introduced to the dark back-alley side of competitive rabbit show jumping! Jesus, please come back to us real soon! We need you!