Jury duty in Knox County...oh, how fun!

Much to my chagrin, I was placed on noticed earlier in the year that I would be required to serve on criminal court jury duty in the spring. I was hoping to get on the grand jury, as I actually wanted to see how that process worked in Tennessee. Of course, I did not get to do that, and was forced to choose a two week stint in which I would be able to serve on a court jury. Yesterday, I came within a hair of being on a sequestered jury for a first degree murder trial. I suppose I have no difficulties with that potentiality, but it was rather unsettling to be in the jury box looking at the defendant, who was sitting there looking at the jury of his peers. Needless to say, I have realized that lawyers on both sides do not want educated people on the jury, as they seem to be able to use their reason and critical thinking skills to determine which side made the better case, rather than just have a knee-jerk reaction to the whole affair. If I ever (God forbid) have to go before a jury of my peers, I shudder to think of some of the yahoos that might be determining my fate. I still have another week of this, so I will keep you updated - not that anyone reads this bleeding thing anyways...

Social networking sites...and my opinions about them

I recently, after a long hiatus, decided to restart my Facebook page. Maybe it was the heady rush and momentary desire to be part of something that the other graduate students were all doing, even though I am typically not a joiner. Maybe it was the fact that I was lacking a clear sense of community in my life, however tenuous. Maybe it was because I have tired of the MySpace world - not my friends on there, but the interface. Or maybe, most probably, I was avoiding doing actual work on something substantive. Who will know?

One observation that I have, regardless of the social networking site, is that people often seem to be most interested in collecting friends in such a way that seems to preclude any sort of "real" interaction between them beyond posting cute messages, cute surveys, and cute photo comments. Or, conversely, people seem to use these sites to torpedo their enemies with ugly comments and messages in an attempt to get them fired from their jobs, broken up with their loved ones, or in trouble with their friends. I am not accusing anyone that I know of this - this is just my general observation.

However, despite my tirade of sorts here, I will socially network. But, to be honest, I more desire the interaction enjoyed during bull sessions in an office, or laughs over pints at the pub. Call me weird, but that is how I am. Now, if you will excuse me, I must away to Facebook to hunt down and begin my collection of friends forthwith - I'm aiming for 100 by the end of April!

Of all the things to see when you are sick...

Those of you that know me know of my like for the Flaming Lips. I have seen them in concert, which were some of the most amazing musical experiences I've ever had. I have nearly all of their recorded output, which seems to have been getting better year after year. I have been praising them for quite some time, with good reason.

But, their latest album was not so great, mainly as it seemed to be a retread of many of the ideas from the album before. And, very peculiarly, I have been noticing the Lips' music accompanying different commercials. A lot of them. As I lay on my sofa, troubling deaf heaven with my bootless cries and cursing my intestinal fate, I saw a commercial for Kraft Salad Dressing that had Flaming Lips' music as its soundtrack. I thought it was a fever dream. But, I saw it again today and am saddened.

I realize that their music is their's to do with as they wish. If they want to shill for salad dressing, then they should should shill for salad dressing - I would rather hear them than yet another commercial with Katrina and the Waves "I'm Walking on Sunshine," after all. But, there is just something disconcerting about how music so quickly departs from being sublime to being subservient to the capitalist juggernaut. I'm still going to listen to the Flaming Lips, to be sure, but this whole episode has given me pause. What is next? The Sex Pistols' "Pretty Vacant" used for a Tampax commercial?

It has been a long time...

I have rarely been so long between blog posts, especially as this is my Spring Break Week. However, circumstances beyond my control prevented me from attending to my posting duties.

Most importantly, I have been suffering from an intestinal unfortunateness that had me copiously leaking from both ends, to put it the most mildly that I can. It is only today, the first day since Sunday, that I have attempted to eat really solid food (toast). Thus, the best laid plans for my Spring Break, mainly drinking, were deferred for hugging the toilet in my apartment (although this was indeed cheaper than purchasing alcohol).

Now that I am returning to the pink of health, all I really want is a big hamburger and fries...I'm not sure why.

UPDATE: Ringling Brothers Circus - a Circus of LIES!

My girlfriend, in her infinite wisdom, read my earlier circus blog and then hipped me to the reality of it all. The painted goats and the bearded worm women from Bavaria - all a dream of my fever-addled mind, apparently. Who knew? But the worst part was the laundry list of animal cruelty charges she read to me. Happy cartoon animals playing cards with the workers this ain't! Elephant beatings, killings, kidnappings, forced performances, clowns on drugs, child pornography with Spanky the Clown, interspecies orgies - the Ringling Bros is runnin' a regular Sodom and Gommorah of entertainment. I am thoroughly appalled, and so will not be going to this or any other circus, unless the animals have signed a waiver and have one of their representatives (maybe one of the monkeys) who will serve as a spokes-animal and tell me that it is okay to come to the show. Of course, if that were to happen, I would probably be too freaked out to go in! Needless to say, shame on the cruel ringmaster and his evil minions for their treatment of the animals and for destroying my dreams! I hope the elephants run amok in the Knoxville civic center - Power to the Pachyderms, baby!

Spam Cookoff Update

The first annual Spam Cookoff for the Arts and Sciences College has come and gone. While I was unsuccessful in attaining an award for my Spam Vindaloo (which is actually better with age, we discovered today), all of the recipes were quite good, despite all the preconceived notions of how Spam tastes. Chuck, incidentally, refused to participate and didn't even come in to sample the dishes, earning himself the coveted "Spam Punk" award in the Spammies. Travis Hardy, using the American Southwest as his inspiration, created a spicy Spam Hash that was quite yummy. The winner of the best in show Spammy was Megan Harris with her interesting Spam Cornbread casserole that was the hit of the event. Now that the buzz has died down and the Spam put away, we have decided to try something different for next month - maybe Ramon noodles or Cheese Whiz!

Variegated Brainstem - Year Two, Day One, Hour Ten!

What a day it is today! The birds are singing, the squirrels are considering the current economic situation. Mothers pause to look lovingly into the faces of their babies, and former enemies throw down their machetes and axes to finally embrace in peace. We here at the Veeb are buoyed by the spirit of this day, and anxious about the dual goals of this Friday: celebrating our blog's anniversary and taking our Spam Vindaloo to the Arts and Sciences' Spam Cookoff. Although our initial excitement about our recipe was shared by all, last night's blind taste test revealed that among the things that the good Lord never intended was for Spam to be marinaded - Spam's density as a meat prevents its ready access to marinading forces. As a result, we are not so sure about our dish's success. Even served in one of television art teacher Dan Mihuta's clay bowl creations will probably not help...

But, in addition to the cookin', there is the rockin'!

Today is the first day of the rest of the fiscal blogging year that is the Variegated Brainstem!

Today is the day that one year ago the future of the world was set into motion!

Today is the day that one year ago a iron gauntlet was hurled into the face of humanity!

Today is the day that one year ago people began to realize again that MUSIC IS REVOLUTION!

Today is the day that one year ago a humble graduate student with nothing better to do took considerable time from his studies to bore the world with his acid casualty observations!

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is our extreme pleasure to welcome you to:

VARIEGATED BRAINSTEM, YEAR TWO: THE RECKONING
Enjoy!

The Russians - don't count them out just yet!

I just read on CNN that a Russian bomber plane buzzed a US aircraft carrier in the Pacific. Now, as a historian, I believe that we should never have counted those commie bastards out just yet. Consider the words of Dave Foley from the Kids in the Hall on this subject:

Let sleeping dogs lie. I say, NO! And you know what sleeping dogs I'm referring to, don't you? No? Well, let me refresh your memory. Russains! That's right, Russians, ruskies, communists, COMM-U-NISTS! Oh now you remember? Well, do you also remember how a few years ago all we ever talked about was how the Russians were gonna take over the world, and how every household would be run by communisis and their filthy communism.

Oh yeah, we feared the Russians back in them days, and for good reason too, but now all I ever hear is, "Poor little Russia, they've got no money!", "Poor little Russia, they've gone broke!" Poor little Russia THIS, and poor little Russia THAT! Don't you get it? Am I the only one who gets it? It's a trick. Communism never dies, communism is a cancer, a cancer sleeping, awaiting the moment to devour our freedom, to devour democracy.

There's one more thing I'd like to say. Killer bees! Forgot about them, didn't ya? Well that's just what they want us to do! That's right, the Russian communists, the killer bees, they're like this! (fingers crossed) So when people say to me let sleeping dogs lie, I say to them, friend, sleeping dogs...they eventually wake up...and chew out the throat of democracy! Don't you think I don't know what you're up to, Russia...

1970s Soft Rock - why the mundane can be frightening...

Having recently admitted my love and secret shame of MOR seventies soft rock, I have been, as I often do, hyper-looking at and listening to videos and songs of this genre. I must be OCD when it comes to music, because I get fixated on something like "sunshine pop" and then, for 3 or 4 weeks, can do nothing but download and listen to this type of music. And, as before, my new obsession has become seventies soft rock, and I have been sucking this stuff down like an opium addict. HOWEVER, this video by the band Exile has kinda creeped and freaked me out.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the disembodied lips on the wall and on the floor. Maybe it's the lead singer's rough androgyny that makes him/her look like a man, then a woman, then a man in such a way that makes me wonder if he is a demonic entity - the dance gyrations don't help. Maybe it is the singluar theme of the lyrics, which proclaim that the only focus of the protagonist will be to get his baby and kiss her all over, all over, all over, again and again - not that I am against kissing or kissing all over, for that matter, but the band's singleminded focus on this particular activity make me wonder if there might be tentacles and spinal fluid sucking involved. Maybe it is the fact that the band is, in my opinion, WAY to into their music, as if they are heralding a new age of utopian revolution or that their music rocks in a similar way as, say, the Ramones. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing it, but you have to admit that they don't make bands like this anymore, which might be a good or a bad thing depending on how you look at it. Either way, enjoy!

Dance the dance of the space goddess ritual! Neuron-eating music and videos for your perusal!

People like to suggest, sometimes, that I am some sort of acid burnt wacko, a persona that I, sometimes, encourage perhaps. However, if youtube had been around when I was doing chemical alterations to my psyche, THIS kind of video would have made me a prime candidate for a rubber room and arm and leg restraints. Hell, it's freaky enough WITHOUT drugs; I couldn't imagine watching this already out of my mind! Of course, I have watched it repeatedly today!

You know me - I like all sorts music, high brow and low brow. But this video just makes my bowels and nads hurt with an unimaginable horror - no wonder punk music needed to happen and happened when it did! "But, wait," you might say, "I thought you liked bands like the Osmonds!?! Aren't they similar?" I won't quibble on that point - both bands are somewhat of the same ilk. HOWEVER, the Osmonds were musical geniuses, a Mormon Beatles, if you will. They mined the depths and heights of our emotions and imaginations, making this world a better, kinder, and stronger place. They played their instruments AND danced AND sang AND smiled AND all the while searched for ways to end world hunger, fight Communist Aggression, and pursue the race to land a man-made vehicle on Mars. The band in this video, on the other hand, was so obviously only in it for the money - how else do you explain someone voluntarily playing this kind of garbage and doing so in public on television? For the joy of the music and the ability to entertain? HELL NO! Money, pure and simple, is the source of this horse manure! So, go tell "the Man" to honk on bubba for foisting crap like this onto us! Enjoy!

A Video for Boxing Day!

I don't know what prompted me to want to post this video - maybe the want of snow, the anomie and despair, or my inclination to get something for breakfast. This is one of those that I could watch pretty regularly and I don't know why. Featuring my favs the Kids in the Hall, it must be seen to be believed. Enjoy and have a wonderful day!

My nose hurts and my eye has started twitching again! Bah-humbug!

I can't get into the spirit of the season. My sickness, my impending Group Two exam, my lack of anything exciting to give to anyone for Christmas, our death culture of plasticity - all these conspire to make me a melancholy Dane. What's a man to do? Ho freaking ho!

I am nervous about comps tomorrow, but...

I have realized that everything I have ever needed to know, I learned on Schoolhouse Rock, especially the one about the Preamble of the Constitution (professional historians may balk, but you have to let me think this for me to keep my sanity). Sing it with me!

The Preamble Song

Hey, do you know about the U.S.A.?
Do you know about the government?
Can you tell me about the Constitution?
Hey, learn about the U.S.A.

In 1787 I'm told
Our founding fathers did agree
To write a list of principles
For keepin' people free.

The U.S.A. was just startin' out.
A whole brand-new country.
And so our people spelled it out
The things that we should be.

And they put those principles down on paper and called it the Constitution, and it's been helping us run our country ever since then. The first part of the Constitution is called the preamble and tells what those founding fathers set out to do.

We the people,
In order to form a more perfect union,
Establish justice, insure domestic tranquility,
Provide for the common defense,
Promote the general welfare and
Secure the blessings of liberty
To ourselves and our posterity
Do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

In 1787 I'm told
Our founding fathers all sat down
And wrote a list of principles
That's known the world around.

The U.S.A. was just starting out
A whole brand-new country.
And so our people spelled it out
They wanted a land of liberty.

And the Preamble goes like this:

We the people,
In order to form a more perfect union,
Establish justice, insure domestic tranquility,
Provide for the common defense,
Promote the general welfare and
Secure the blessings of liberty
To ourselves and our posterity
Do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

For the United States of America...

Enjoy!

A Sunday morning of reflection...

Comps are coming in two days. My beloved office coffee cup with Christmas geese on it has been kidnapped and probably brainwashed into joining some revolutionary quasi-religious suicide cult a la Patty Hearst and the SLA. I have recruited Gordon, my desk gnome, to protect my other goose cup, but it may be a bit too much for him, as the cup is bigger than he is. Oh, that Gordon!As for the rest of it, I have wanted to post this video for some time. It is by a Spanish band from the sixties called Los Bravos, best known for their hit song "Black is Black." This video, of a song entitled "Going Nowhere," seems appropriate to what is going on in my life right now, with tests and kidnapped cups. Note the lead singers strained facial expressions while he is in the depths of mod-a-go-go dance moves - looks like he's trying to keep from deucing one up, even as he winks at the camera! Everyone else acts like they are having hip convulsions - which of them are using a walker now, one might wonder if one wondered those sorts of things.


Enjoy!

Countdown to the Group one gigglefest...

Too dramatic?

Who knew? Did you?

I am always up for learning new and interesting things, especially as I am trying to study for comps. Why would I need all the room in my brain for just history? There are all sorts of things out there for me to discover, and it makes a fellow kinda squishy inside to think that they might learn something new, each and every day.
That said, I was surprised and dismayed that there were people on this earth who engage in the activity of rabbit show jumping. Competitively. Much like the equestrian version, rabbit show jumping involves a trainer (not a jockey) going around to various stations with various sized hurdles and encouraging the rabbit to jump over them. That's it! Is that f%cked, or what?

I don't know why, but this makes me laugh hysterically at the same time the anger swells within. To be sure, why should I care? I mean, rabbits are jumping animals. It's not like they are trying to make them swim or wear little Star Trek themed outfits. They're just making them jump, competitively. Nothing wrong in that, I suppose, but I smell a future doping scandal in the works. And, I guess, therein lies the problem for me, because something so innocent and pure and silly as rabbit jumping will likely decay into a celebrity driven festival of emptiness that will make us all want to eat Drano and get it over with, and that makes me angry. I don't understand where it comes from, but it feels like the same kind of anger that I experience when I think about the new WB show, Gossip Girl, which the mere sight of the commercials drives me into an insane rage little seen in this hemisphere. How many f%cking more television shows do we need about rich, vacuous white kids with too much money, too little sense, and the sex drives of speed-addicted howler monkeys? I HATE THESE SHOWS! And the next thing you know, on a very special episode of Gossip Girl, we will be introduced to the dark back-alley side of competitive rabbit show jumping! Jesus, please come back to us real soon! We need you!

Some of my new favorite mu-suck-ial groups - part one

Every one should follow their muse and do the things that make them happy (within reason - zoosadism and pedophilia don't count). I have yet to find my overriding passion, but these folks seem to have found their's, although perhaps in ways that make the rest of us scratch our heads and go "Huh?" or "Do what?"

This first is Leslie and the Lys, the brainchild of Leslie Hall, a gold lame beehive-hairdoed lady from Iowa who envisions herself as a rap / hip-hop genius (who's to say she isn't?). Here she presents what is probably the only (that I'm aware of) musical pop tribute to the Ron Howard movie Willow:

Watching this makes me repeatedly wonder: why didn't we do stuff like this in the TA office?

This was going on in my brain when I was on drugs back when I used to do drugs...

Now you know, and knowing's half the battle. Enjoy!

They're building a gallows outside my window - I've got twenty-five minutes to go...

Countdown to pop idol complete melt-down - Death Watch 2007

In an early post on the VEEB, I discussed the craziness of Ms. Britney Spears. Now I read that her ex-husband has been given custody of their children. Now, I'm no fan of any of this sort of celebrity gossip, but it sure doesn't look good for her now, does it? Taking her children seems like the last or maybe the next to the last straw. I mean, how far is she from a fist-full of sleeping pills, a bottle of vodka, and an afternoon by herself without her handlers? She has gone from psuedo-child porn musician to slutty 19 year old to has-been joke to most likely to buy the farm in the next few weeks. We are all responsible, I suppose, because our larger plastic disposable culture demands more horse to feed the monkey! Lord help her and get her the F out of the limelight ASAP before she becomes a tragic trivia answer!